Play while reading:
My dearest Enna Bleu,
I couldn't think of a way to top a record player. I sat and sat just wondering how to materialize a friendship. It's amazing how much harder it becomes the closer we get. Can you imagine next year? I don't even wanna think about it. So how did I figure out what to get you? I thought about when I was in elementary school and the "best friend" necklaces we had. Most of the time they were 2 halves of a heart -- a broken heart. I never believed that a best friend completes your "heart", but they rather leave a permanent imprint. I found the switch -- the lightbulb went off. I had to leave my imprint on your heart...
I found this letter this morning when I was going through my room. Initially, I wanted to dispose of it without reading it, but something made me change my mind. Jessica gave this to me exactly one year ago when we exchanged our late Christmas presents. Come to think of it, I always seem to exchange presents with friends on New Years (or NY Eve) haha.
It was the perfect day. It was snowing up in Angeles Crest, we dined at our favorite restaurant in Newcombs and we were in the presence of wonderful friends. We exchanged presents in the ever-so-freezing parking lot. Upon handing over this card, she proceeded to give me a box in a box in a box -- something she knew I absolutely LOVED. The teensiest one happened to be the little blue box. You know.
I squealed pretty much like any other girl would. Inside was the sweetest heart pendant with a smaller heart and an engraving of her favorite lyric from Against Me! -- "no one is lonely in a dream." It meant the world to me. Not because of its monetary value, but because of the sentiments behind it. It symbolized our friendship to the tee. The little heart was for my heart surgery when I was 15 years old. We pretty much met because of it. We had numerous friends in common, but oddly, we never met. We ended up connecting because of my Xanga entries from the hospital during the whole ordeal -- that was the start of our friendship. And obviously, the Against Me! lyric was because of our shared love of such an awesome band (I began to like them because of her). So, that gift was pretty damn special.
A mere six months later and our friendship practically disappeared into thin air. It was mutual, but that didn't make the hurt any less painful. Normally, I deal with pain and disappointment by completely cutting everything connected to that person/event/etc from my life. And this was no exception. Deleted numbers, myspaces, facebooks. Stashed things into boxes. (I, apparently, don't have the heart to throw memorable things away.) And I ingrained bad memories of her in my mind so that I'd somehow make myself believe that it wasn't a loss to me.
I guess that was why this letter meant a lot to me when I re-read it for the first time this morning.
I realized that our best friendship was pretty awesome. We had our share of tears and angry moments -- just like any other friendship would. But we had some crazy cool memories. She introduced me to some awesome music. (That's something I hold dear to me -- if you introduce me to something new & I end up loving it, no matter what it is.) We had an immense amount of inside jokes that would make anyone in our presence cringe because of how awkward it'd make them feel. We'd talk for hours on end about anything and everything. We planned random trips for the future. We joked about being crazy old ladies in wheelchairs, chasing each other in the retirement home... even as far as planning an actual B&E at DCI Championships in said wheelchairs ;] Gotta love Dane Cook.
I miss the laughs we used to share but things change. Situations change. People change. It's cliche, but change is the only constant. I don't regret letting that friendship go at all. After all, you lose some, you gain some, right? While I definitely wouldn't pursue a friendship again, I have no negative feelings towards her at all. I sincerely wish her the very best in life. I hope that one day, she'll find true happiness with whatever she sets out to do, which won't be a problem for her at all -- she's smart and motivated and goes after what she wants.
Well, it's been nice reminiscing. And hahaha, I commend you if you actually read all of this.