Caseface: n. the BEST first best friend a girl could ever ask for.

I don't remember how old we were. We might've been 12 or 13, I can't quite remember. That's a shame because if asked what defined him, I'd choose this memory.

I was having, seemingly, the worst day of my adolescent life. Around 4pm, he called and instructed me to open the front door in 5 seconds. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. And there he was with the cutest smile on his face, his arms extended to me and a cupcake sitting in the palms of his hands. I will never forget that.

I dreamt about him this morning and woke up in tears. You know those dreams that feel like they've been happening all night? Yeah, one of those. Actually, it wasn't even about him. It was about his mom. I can't remember much, but I just remember talking to her about him.

I remember one New Years Eve when we kept each other up talking over the phone just so we'd be the first ones we talked to in the new year.
I remember in 4th grade when he was having a conversation with a few of our friends and I SO desperately wanted to know what they were talking about. But all he kept saying was "Nah, it's nothing" and I kept pushing it until he yelled out "I LIKE YOU, OKAY?!" loud enough for the whole room to stop whatever they were doing. I remember turning around in my seat, my face burning up.
I remember him telling me that he'd kiss me for 15 seconds when I turned 15 haha.
I remember when he'd sing the Fruits Basket theme for me.
Last I saw him, he dropped off Napoleon Dynamite when I was at the hospital, only to pick it up a few days later. That's my last good memory of him.

I wonder where he is right now. Last I heard, he had left home and moved out to Colorado for God knows what reason. That was over a year ago though. I don't know, I just hope he's okay. I don't even know what caused our falling out. It might've been when he moved out to Simi Valley during our freshman year. A phone call a day turned into once a week into once a month until I couldn't even remember what his voice sounded like. It's been about 6 years since I've had a proper conversation with him and I want him so much to still be a part of my life.

I know I shouldn't though. Over the years, I've tried getting in touch with him -- all to no avail. He never once reciprocated my attempts and I resented him for that. As sad as it seems, I'm still not giving up on this friendship. I know that if our friendship's still meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other. We've just gotta.


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