Auditioning.

Continued from the last entry.

Throughout high school, all I ever dreamed about (that is, concerning music) was to march with the Blue Devils. To be on the field at DCI championships, with the bright lights shining down and performing the show of a lifetime.

But that's never going to happen. EVER.

For one, you can't march when you're over 21. I'm still 19. But if you ever want to make it into BD, you have to start young. There's even a C Corp for little 5 year olds.

But anyway, the main reason why it's never going to happen is because I'm deathly afraid of auditioning.

Senior year, I auditioned for the Honor Band in Pasadena to march in the Rose Parade. I walked into that room with the judge, all decked out in my concert attire, baritone in hand. I thought I knew what I was doing. Really, I did. I mean, I rehearsed like nobody's business. But when he put the music on the stand in front of me, I completely froze. I forgot how to play and nothing at that moment made sense. I freaked out. The music was pretty simple enough -- just a few sixteen note runs. I tried. Failed. Started over. But I couldn't do it. I felt my face turn bright red and I walked out of that room with my head lowered in shame.

Now, if I can't even audition properly for something like that, how the heck am I supposed to face my fears and perform in front of Scott Johnson and all the Blue Devil greats? I can't. Plain and simple. But I am living vicariously through some other music buddies of mine. The friend/captain that I mentioned in the last post is going to audition this December and I really hope he makes it. After all, he's got the talent and the drive (and the connections) to get in.

I know I'd be able to make it into a lower division and all, but naaah. My days are over. I'm never going to audition. I've accepted that. But that won't stop me from going to the shows with my friends and cheering for my favorite corps.