CPK & religion.

I had a wonderful lunch with Joanna and Kelsea today. I mentioned my feelings and doubts about the whole religion thing, which was received with heartfelt advice, saying that what I was experiencing was normal. Joanna mentioned that she saw me SPRINTING at the very start of my walk with God. I went into it full-throttle and eventually started feeling its effects. She carefully explained that that's what it is -- a walk. Not a sprint. Not a 100 meter dash. A walk. And I definitely needed to slow down and take a breather. Kelsea stepped in with advice and said that she thought it was a wise decision on my part to take that 3 week break from it all -- to straighten my thoughts out.

I very rarely talk about my insecurities and paranoia when it comes to new people, but I felt it necessary to do so during lunch today. I said that I'd rather not waste valuable time, giving someone my all, only to have them leave me in the dust in the end. That was how I was feeling with PYROS, the church youth group.

What's that KanYe lyric?
"God show me the way because the devil's trying to break me down."

Yeah, that. These people have never given me a reason for me to show such mistrust. They've been nothing but nice to me. While the group gets somewhat clique-y at times, I'm reminded that they're only human and there's only so much they can do. Anyway. My paranoia stems from previous friendships that have failed me. I gave them something I valued -- my trust. For what? Only to have them leave me. This paranoia has now found its way to my newfound friendships. The devil knows my weakness and he's definitely using it to his advantage. At least I recognize his attempts, right?

Towards the end of lunch, I mentioned that I never once opened my Bible during those three weeks. Joanna said it was okay but that God missed me.

God missed me? God missed me.

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks and I started bawling. What was I thinking trying to run away? God loves me and He only wants the best for me. He sacrificed His one and only Son for me. I deserve wrath from Him. Instead, I receive the most intense love possible. Now that is amazing. I was convicted with those three simple words & I vowed to myself to just keep on keeping on.

Thank the Lord for good food and awesome company. I'm ever so thankful.


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