Dear Berkeley,
Perhaps "Hercules, California" might be a more accurate location? I won't hesitate to shoot you a message here because I know you still read this blog, though we've failed to make any sort of real communication the past few months. I had a dream about you a few days ago, one that involved us being in the same classroom, oddly enough. You were seated directly behind me and while we surely recognized one another, we didn't acknowledge it aside from a knowing glance upon my turning around. You then asked to borrow the grey cardigan in my purse because the room was freezing. (Though, now that I think of it, I'm not really sure why I wasn't wearing it in the first place; I need sweaters and scarves galore when temperatures hit low 70's.) Odd, don't you think? Maybe this dream was brought on by the low air fares Southwest Airlines was offering a few weeks ago? I think it was $25 one-way to San Francisco or something. Anyway, hope things have improved marginally for you since the last time we spoke. I'm sure they have. Keep on keeping on, you hear?
Dreaming of a Nick and Norah inspired adventure,
Glendale.
PS. TDAGARIM, also.
PPS. I bet you're going to be beyond disappointed after perusing this letter. Told you it wasn't anything to look forward to.
Doe-eyed.
You wish with all your might for your saving grace, one that will care for you and complement you perfectly. The girl that will cause you to be the envy of every solitary being you come across because of your untainted and everlasting love. But when opportunity presents itself in a form of a doe-eyed girl with a heart of gold, you dismiss it without reason. Tears cloud her vision, until the background lights sparkle and blend in with a subtle bokeh effect. In her perfect world, you'd wipe her worries away, gently tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her forehead with a fervent passion only you two can comprehend. Flighty fancies fall by the wayside and reality is all she's left with once more.
Vincent Thomas Bridge.
Andrew called the other day and left a message saying that He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named asked about me. (Yes, Lord Voldemort.) I'm sure he asked in passing, in a nonchalant "by the way, how's Marianne?" kind of manner. Truth: I was perfectly fine with keeping him out of my life. In fact, he hasn't invaded my thoughts in over six months, except for the random text a few weeks ago when he asked me to go to his show in Hollywood. But even then, it didn't faze me and I brushed it off with ease.
For some reason, Andrew's voicemail hit me hard. Of course it was only for a moment, but it was one highlighted with tears welling up in my eyes. I fell into a daze, knee-deep in memories of him and what we used to be. Strolling along the lighthouse at Point Fermin Park. Stealing kisses at our cliff overlooking the most spectacular sunsets. Making silly faces at the jellyfish in the aquarium. I missed him. But only for a moment. My lapse of judgment lasted a mere ten seconds at most and I shook myself out of it just as quickly. I'm better and relatively more breakdown-free without such a toxic being in my life. I know it. Our relationship, no matter how dysfunctional, had its good moments, but the past is the past and that's where it shall stay.
2S to the 5S to 110S. Sorry, but the bridge is broken. I know the phrase is "burned bridge," but you can't really burn a metal bridge no matter how long you hold the match to it, can you?
For some reason, Andrew's voicemail hit me hard. Of course it was only for a moment, but it was one highlighted with tears welling up in my eyes. I fell into a daze, knee-deep in memories of him and what we used to be. Strolling along the lighthouse at Point Fermin Park. Stealing kisses at our cliff overlooking the most spectacular sunsets. Making silly faces at the jellyfish in the aquarium. I missed him. But only for a moment. My lapse of judgment lasted a mere ten seconds at most and I shook myself out of it just as quickly. I'm better and relatively more breakdown-free without such a toxic being in my life. I know it. Our relationship, no matter how dysfunctional, had its good moments, but the past is the past and that's where it shall stay.
2S to the 5S to 110S. Sorry, but the bridge is broken. I know the phrase is "burned bridge," but you can't really burn a metal bridge no matter how long you hold the match to it, can you?
PS. Embarrassing face-palm moment the other day when I left a comment on someone's blog that it wasn't meant for. I deleted it. Without an apology. Because I was so freaked out. The blog names were just oh-so similar! Shoot me.
Honest Scrap Award.
Thanks to Brent for giving me my very first award on Blogger! I was thrilled and had to do a double-take upon receipt. Similar to him, I, too, have no clue as to what the "scrap" part in "Honest Scrap" alludes to. Are we trash? Rubbish? Made to recycle? No idea. Let's move on, shall we?
The Rules of the Award
1) Thank the person who gave the award and list their blog and link it.
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
10 Honest Things About Myself
1. Whenever I'm in a car that runs a yellow light, I always tap the ceiling twice. My friends will literally punch the ceiling, leaving dents, if they accidentally go through a red light. Sometimes, I think they do it intentionally for anger-relieving purposes.
2. I'm inspired by the artistic gems in the Tumblr, Etsy and Vimeo communities. And because of it, I want an infinite amount of pretty yarn, a sewing machine and a Nikon DSLR to film and take photos with.
3. I fall into ruts pretty often and find myself clawing at the sides with no luck. During these brief points in time, I'll ignore all phone calls and most texts, neglect any form of creativity and wallow in self-pity. It's a terrible habit, really.
4. You know that song by Landon Pigg? The one where he talks about coffee shops and falling in love? I really do believe book stores are the way to go. Strike up a convo! There's some literary romance to be had.
5. People constantly mistake me for being sixteen or seventeen-years-old. I'll pretend to be annoyed at the time, but secretly revel in the thought that I won't have to worry about looking old when I'm middle-aged. Boo-yah.
6. My favorite sound in the whole wide world? Drum sticks clicking and/or keeping time. If you read through enough of my blog entries, you'll come to realize that I am a self-proclaimed band geek and darn proud of it.
7. I'm nearing my one-year-mark without going to a single show. It's unprecedented, really. Ever since Warped Tour 2006, I've constantly gone to shows/concerts/festivals, sometimes averaging five in a month. But with this darn economy and no cash to shell out, I've learned to stop skimming through event calendars.
8. There's a video somewhere on YouTube where I'm singing "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" in a faux Korean accent with my hair up in pigtails. It was for a church presentation and no, I won't link you. :]
9. The end of tenth grade was marked by two months in the hospital because of my heart surgery. My friendship with the nurses allowed for my buddies to stay well past visiting hours. I also made good friends with the little boy next door. We'd have wheelchair races up and down the hallway and tell one another secrets. I've lost touch with him and sincerely hope he's okay.
10. I believe people are intrinsically good and I think you're lovely. Yes, you, person reading this. You deserve the best this world has to offer and you shouldn't settle for less. I mean it from the depths of my little heart. <3
My Seven Bloggers:
1. Geoh. Andrew is the only real life friend that knows I keep a blog online. This producer is amazing at what he does.
2. your wishcake. Kerri's a doll, with entertaining posts that are filled with humor and are super easy to relate to.
3. m.writes. Marta's blog, filled with the cutest anecdotes of her family, her impeccable calligraphy and inspiring quotes, is simply amazing.
4. Sherbet Blossom. Hannah has the best links when it comes to crafting and I heart her blog dearly because of it. Also, she's the sweetest mommy with the cutest kids. Her love for her family fills my heart with joy.
5. Lisa's Likes. She's fashionable, cute and spunky. Plus, I love her recipe posts with step-by-step photos.
6. Wunderbug. Courtney's adventures are so much fun to read about. Also, who can resist mini apple and pumpkin pies?
7. Stephanie Amber. Her love for God inspires me to be a better Christian. Her testimonies are powerful, yet easily relatable, and stirs up something in my heart. Plus, our Bibles are both pink.
Each blogger has inspired me in one way or another: to be a better writer, to be more crafty, to try new things. Collectively, they've inspired me to be a better person. Their positive outlook on life shines through in each and every post and I'll take this time to say, "Thank you."
Brent: I would have chosen you as one of my seven bloggers, but I think writing an Honest Scraps blog three times is borderline overkill. If you're up to the challenge, though, go for it!
1) Thank the person who gave the award and list their blog and link it.
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
10 Honest Things About Myself
1. Whenever I'm in a car that runs a yellow light, I always tap the ceiling twice. My friends will literally punch the ceiling, leaving dents, if they accidentally go through a red light. Sometimes, I think they do it intentionally for anger-relieving purposes.
2. I'm inspired by the artistic gems in the Tumblr, Etsy and Vimeo communities. And because of it, I want an infinite amount of pretty yarn, a sewing machine and a Nikon DSLR to film and take photos with.
3. I fall into ruts pretty often and find myself clawing at the sides with no luck. During these brief points in time, I'll ignore all phone calls and most texts, neglect any form of creativity and wallow in self-pity. It's a terrible habit, really.
4. You know that song by Landon Pigg? The one where he talks about coffee shops and falling in love? I really do believe book stores are the way to go. Strike up a convo! There's some literary romance to be had.
5. People constantly mistake me for being sixteen or seventeen-years-old. I'll pretend to be annoyed at the time, but secretly revel in the thought that I won't have to worry about looking old when I'm middle-aged. Boo-yah.
6. My favorite sound in the whole wide world? Drum sticks clicking and/or keeping time. If you read through enough of my blog entries, you'll come to realize that I am a self-proclaimed band geek and darn proud of it.
7. I'm nearing my one-year-mark without going to a single show. It's unprecedented, really. Ever since Warped Tour 2006, I've constantly gone to shows/concerts/festivals, sometimes averaging five in a month. But with this darn economy and no cash to shell out, I've learned to stop skimming through event calendars.
8. There's a video somewhere on YouTube where I'm singing "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" in a faux Korean accent with my hair up in pigtails. It was for a church presentation and no, I won't link you. :]
9. The end of tenth grade was marked by two months in the hospital because of my heart surgery. My friendship with the nurses allowed for my buddies to stay well past visiting hours. I also made good friends with the little boy next door. We'd have wheelchair races up and down the hallway and tell one another secrets. I've lost touch with him and sincerely hope he's okay.
10. I believe people are intrinsically good and I think you're lovely. Yes, you, person reading this. You deserve the best this world has to offer and you shouldn't settle for less. I mean it from the depths of my little heart. <3
My Seven Bloggers:
1. Geoh. Andrew is the only real life friend that knows I keep a blog online. This producer is amazing at what he does.
2. your wishcake. Kerri's a doll, with entertaining posts that are filled with humor and are super easy to relate to.
3. m.writes. Marta's blog, filled with the cutest anecdotes of her family, her impeccable calligraphy and inspiring quotes, is simply amazing.
4. Sherbet Blossom. Hannah has the best links when it comes to crafting and I heart her blog dearly because of it. Also, she's the sweetest mommy with the cutest kids. Her love for her family fills my heart with joy.
5. Lisa's Likes. She's fashionable, cute and spunky. Plus, I love her recipe posts with step-by-step photos.
6. Wunderbug. Courtney's adventures are so much fun to read about. Also, who can resist mini apple and pumpkin pies?
7. Stephanie Amber. Her love for God inspires me to be a better Christian. Her testimonies are powerful, yet easily relatable, and stirs up something in my heart. Plus, our Bibles are both pink.
Each blogger has inspired me in one way or another: to be a better writer, to be more crafty, to try new things. Collectively, they've inspired me to be a better person. Their positive outlook on life shines through in each and every post and I'll take this time to say, "Thank you."
Brent: I would have chosen you as one of my seven bloggers, but I think writing an Honest Scraps blog three times is borderline overkill. If you're up to the challenge, though, go for it!
A Happy List.
Things I've been obsessing over recently:
- Going along with the topic of food, I'll mention the holy grail of Mexican restaurants, Taco Azteca. I've been blessed to live in Southern California where legit Mexican food can be found with relative ease. No, Taco Bell, Del Taco (Bell Del?) don't count. Fish tacos and an horchata to wash it all down? Count me in.
- Perfect penmanship. London boy wrote to me a few weeks ago and I still can't get over his cursive. I couldn't help but swoon as I read the contents of his letter and the meticulous detail of every swirl and curve of each letter was the icing on the cake. Tyler, or as I affectionately call him "Cesure", has an amazing way with words and deserves a post of his own. Watch for it.
- Vintage luggage. The prospect of travel appeals to me so, so much.
I'm trying to trick myself into being in a better state of mind. Not really sure if it's working so far... In any case, what happy things have consumed your thoughts lately, dear reader?
Update: Two of the bloggers I'm following - TWO - were proposed to this week! (oh,hellofriend and whatiwore). If these things don't belong in a happy list, then I don't know what does. It's all so amazing and fills my little heart with so much joy. And to think, I don't even know these ladies in real life! Cuh-razy, I tell ya.
- Skins. Maybe it's the charming Bristol accent or the witty, fast-paced dialogue. Or because Degrassi has been in a downward spiral for the past few seasons that it has stopped quenching my thirst for juicy, so-bad-it's-good teen drama. Either way, I'm hooked.
- Demi Lovato. No, wait. Before I stab myself in the eye with the nearest pencil for mentioning a Disney star that teeny-boppers adore, let me rephrase that: her upbeat music. It's a far cry from what I normally listen to, but it's really nice that her tunes provide a way for my little sister and I to connect. I'll learn the songs on guitar, while she sings along. It's an all-around good time.
- Left-over / discount Halloween candy from Target the days following October 31st. At least the candy I'm consuming can be considered somewhat Christmas-y, with its minty interior and dark chocolate shell. Mmmm, melt-in-your-mouth goodness.- Demi Lovato. No, wait. Before I stab myself in the eye with the nearest pencil for mentioning a Disney star that teeny-boppers adore, let me rephrase that: her upbeat music. It's a far cry from what I normally listen to, but it's really nice that her tunes provide a way for my little sister and I to connect. I'll learn the songs on guitar, while she sings along. It's an all-around good time.
- Going along with the topic of food, I'll mention the holy grail of Mexican restaurants, Taco Azteca. I've been blessed to live in Southern California where legit Mexican food can be found with relative ease. No, Taco Bell, Del Taco (Bell Del?) don't count. Fish tacos and an horchata to wash it all down? Count me in.
- Perfect penmanship. London boy wrote to me a few weeks ago and I still can't get over his cursive. I couldn't help but swoon as I read the contents of his letter and the meticulous detail of every swirl and curve of each letter was the icing on the cake. Tyler, or as I affectionately call him "Cesure", has an amazing way with words and deserves a post of his own. Watch for it.
- Vintage luggage. The prospect of travel appeals to me so, so much.
Update: Two of the bloggers I'm following - TWO - were proposed to this week! (oh,hellofriend and whatiwore). If these things don't belong in a happy list, then I don't know what does. It's all so amazing and fills my little heart with so much joy. And to think, I don't even know these ladies in real life! Cuh-razy, I tell ya.
Miniscule.
I cannot even begin to fathom how small I am in the grand scheme of things. It's similar to the feeling that overcomes you as you rest in an open field and gaze at the twinkling celestial bodies in the vast night sky. It's an overwhelming and all-consuming feeling, one that goes right down to your core and has the power to render you useless. That's life at the moment - except I don't have the comfort of a loved one at my side, holding my hand and shielding me from the horrors of the night. At least then, I would know that everything will be alright. Where do we go from here? And why are we doing this? For the adventure. For the impossibility.
I promise to write (you) each day.
Yeah.
I'm sure that unspoken sentiments floated between us as we took our final stroll those weeks ago. Maybe it was the re-emergence of his elusive ex-girlfriend, whom he's still in love with, that caused our strange falling out. Either way, I've lost his friendship and all the inspiration that it brought along. I feel like crawling into a hole. Or better yet, into a deep well with a baseball bat to keep me company, while a blue-black mark makes its home on my cheek. References to The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle? Win. God, that book. So compelling, so odd and dream-like. I'm nearing the final chapters and am actually saddened that it's coming to a close. Normally, it takes fifty or so pages for me to get sucked into a novel, but Murakami must have laced each beautifully written page with cocaine because I was hooked within the first chapter, as short as it was. And to think the mystery surrounding the lost cat is probably the most normal part of the novel! Ha. I'm thoroughly enjoying today's cooler temperatures, after the summer-like sauna we were blessed to have the past few days. This is wishful thinking at its best, but I'm hoping this weather stays for the duration of fall. Please, please, please, let me get what I want this time. Yes, The Smiths. It's astounding how fast this year's flying by, though. How is it November already? Pretty soon, the holidays will have passed, only to bring about the normalcy of the beginning months of the new year.
I suppose this is a true stream-of-consciousness. Unedited and arbitrary musings by yours truly. Adieu, for now. Hope this message finds you well in your part of the world.
I suppose this is a true stream-of-consciousness. Unedited and arbitrary musings by yours truly. Adieu, for now. Hope this message finds you well in your part of the world.