stream-of-consciousness.

Texas.

2011-04-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

Late-night phone conversations and stifling giggles so as not to wake up our sleepy towns. Sharing secrets, irrational fears and dreams of where we'll end up one day. Songs and playlists we've kept near and dear to our hearts are sent, with hopes that the hidden messages could be decoded by the other. It's odd how we came to be where we are, with twelve days of conversation attempting to make up for twelve years of silence. An unconventional friendship sparked by a mutual love for throwing caution to the wind that could potentially place us on the brink of something beautiful. To be perfectly frank, monotonous moments of my day are broken up with daydreams of you: Slow dancing under the stars, while soft and unimposing melodies surround us. Attempting to reach the end of a To-Do List that's ever-growing with trips to far away lands and ghost towns, guitar duets as the California sunshine fades over the horizon, and a world of firsts we've yet to experience.

What a strange relationship that's beginning to bloom, but my goodness, I'm in it if you are.

Purge.

2011-03-01T22:34:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to clear out my hard drive, I found some writing samples I never initially intended to publish. Here goes nothing.

June 3, 2010:

Trying to accurately describe our friendship would cause an aneurism of sorts. Our last real encounter ended with you admitting to your newfound feelings for me. However, because she had just come back from her year-long jaunt abroad in an attempt to clean up her act, you couldn't find it in your heart to continue what we had. Why must beautiful confessions such as these always tip-toe around a "but so-and-so?" Due to some unforeseen circumstances, a not-so-brief encounter with illicit substances and an exclamation sure to echo in her mind for an indefinite period of time, you've now strolled back in my life. And I'm there with open arms. My goodness. When I stepped out the door and locked eyes with you for the first time tonight in half a year, I was afraid my beating heart would be audible. You held me in an embrace that seemed to stretch on for hours and hours as I gently traced indecipherable shapes against your back and our hearts beat in synchrony and, God, what I would have done to stay in that moment with you forever.

I'm quite unsure as to how many allusions I've made about you in my corner of the internet, but the words stuck end to end would span to the moon and back, I love you so.

Blurb.

2010-11-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

It's terrifying how the last few weeks of the year are quickly approaching when I still feel like I haven't gotten through July. But of course, I'm merely living in the past, something that's easier than facing all the worries of tomorrow and whatnot. Oh, boo-stinkin-hoo. I've neglected this blog for five months and I didn't even think twice when I received a notification on my phone's calendar that it was my second bloggerversary. It wouldn't have felt right celebrating a milestone with my passive attitude towards the entire thing.

You know how I keep track of time now? Through however many weeks' worth of PostSecrets I haven't read on my reader. (It's currently at 4, for those curious enough. Unread items: 605.) To be frank, this whole full-time, 9am-5:30pm job sucks. In addition to feeling like I have absolutely no time to devote to anything else, I am miserable sitting at my desk for those eight hours everyday. Eight hours + two total hours while in transit = fifty hours a week/two hundred hours a month that I wish could be spent doing something I'm passionate about. My sketchbook's collecting dust, my watercolors and brushes and Micron pens are nowhere to be found, and whenever I feel like translating my thoughts onto pen and paper, I simply feel too lazy to do so.

Hi, I'm Marianne and I'm feeling jaded.

Weekend Snapshots.

2010-06-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday comprised of going to the farmers market and indulging myself with the best cheese tamale I've had in ages, a catch-up with The Housewives of NYC and church. Saturday night was spent with a very dear friend whom I've known since middle school, affectionately nicknamed Drummer Boy. We went to our favorite restaurant that we used to frequent during our years of high school after football games, concerts and rehearsals.

This summer, I promise to be more adventurous.
Summer hasn't officially begun and I can already cross this off my list. I faced my fear of climbing ladders and heights head-on as he and I trespassed onto a building's roof that evening. Gazing up at the stars, watching the cars drive past, sharing stories, the sweetest kiss before climbing back down. Magical. I may have prolonged going to bed that evening for fear of washing the memories away.

Sunday: lunch at Chinatown, an excursion into Union Station and the last of the Dodgers vs. Braves series with family.

Despite the heat, a great time was had by all. The game was made even more enjoyable as a young man, clad in Celtics gear, made his way down to his seat (directly behind me, mind you) and was met with a chorus of "Boooooo"s and a "Celtics suck!" chant by the crowd. You've got to have major cojones to wear a Celtics jersey in a Laker-predominated venue, so, kudos to him.

We rarely stay for the whole game in an attempt to beat the rush of traffic out of the parking lots, but since we used the Dodger Express from Union Station - for free, instead of paying $15 for parking - we stuck around for the extra innings. By then, the crowds were dwindling away, which is a shame because the Dodgers won in the eleventh inning, thanks to Ellis and a run by Martin.

I need more weekends like this. Life, make it happen.

This week.

2010-06-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

I learned to take chances. After a year of silence on our parts (not due to any animosity and hatred, merely the inevitable drifting away that occurs once school starts up again), an old friend from high school texted me, suggesting a meet-up of sorts. Normally, I'd mull over the text for a few hours, racking my brain for the perfect response, then anti-climactically give up and move on with my life. Not because of the text, but because I'd be too afraid of what would happen. Would the meet-up be filled with awkward silences and uncomfortable shifting of the eyes as we struggled to come up with conversation topics? Would we be so different from what we had known in the past? What if we wouldn't get along now? I pushed those thoughts aside as we made plans to meet up at our old high school to say hello to our old drumline coach, along with another friend. While the drumline rehearsed, we found ourselves walking around the dimly-lit school (it was nighttime) as we caught up with one another. We walked to the field, where we'd spent countless hours rehearsing drill for marching band and drumline, sat directly on the giant "G" logo in the middle and just reminisced. Telling stories, how the semester went, old inside jokes resurfaced and it was just like old times. I've missed my boys so much and hopefully we'll be able to hang out a few more times before Daniel leaves for the Mediterranean for eight weeks.

I realized how much I truly love farmers markets.

I started my obsession with LOST, six years too late. When the series finale aired, I was sitting in my living room, eyes glued to the screen, though I had absolutely no idea what was happening. My LOST-fanatic friend was bawling half the time as he gave me background information in an attempt to catch me up. Well, it kind of worked. Nevertheless, the finale was beautiful and I found myself getting goosebumps at the merging scenes. Hulu's streaming the first five seasons until December 31, 2010, so here's my formal goodbye to my social life until I finish.

I finally received my giveaway prize from the oh-so-lovely NatalieAlyssa. She hosts a giveaway of her photographs every month, I believe, and the first time I actually signed up, I won! Beginner's luck, I suppose? Also, I was more than thrilled when I noticed the return address - Maple, Ontario, Canada. CANADA.

June wishes:
- That the Dodgers win on Sunday's game against the Braves. I was unsuccessful in trying to find a youth jersey for Ethier the other day, so I had to settle for Martin (#55), which isn't too bad. Long story short, I'm set for the game. (Also hoping for cooler temps that day.)
- I'm celebrating a milestone birthday this month, but I hope that it will be low-key. Heck, I hope everyone forgets. I'd settle for a midnight showing of Toy Story III in 3-D, though. Any takers?
- We are a generation run by instant gratification. I hope to stick to my diet and exercise regimen, even though results aren't to my liking at first. Slow and steady wins the race! Except there's no race here, unless you count the race against time. Or something.
- That I develop some kind of facetious inner dialogue. I'm the least wittiest person I know, as evident by the above bullet point.
- Tons of happiness, good music, good vibes. Forever.

Missed Opportunities, Boys With Girlfriends and Rude Comments.

2010-05-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Holy Negative Nancy, Batman!

Remember this post that I wrote over a year ago? How I had the opportunity to interview the electropop goodness that is HeyHiHello? I think I may have actually talked to Jakub, the lead vocalist, a few times before actually sitting down to compose interview questions. In the end, I passed on the opportunity as I labeled myself too shy and incompetent to go through with it. In the past year, they've slowly but surely built up their fan base and are on their way to being the next electropop hit. Following the footsteps of Owl City, if I may be so bold to say? What was the point of this blurb? Oh, yes. Missed opportunities. Sunken confidence. Regret, regret, regret. Seems to be a recurring theme in this blog, don't you think?

Oh, iTunes, why must you be a constant reminder of my terrible luck with boys and potential relationships? Meiko's "Boys With Girlfriends" just came on. Remember this post? Hopeless romantics eat that stuff up all the time! Meeting a stranger, discovering all these uncanny similarities and forming an everlasting bond, if circumstances allow. It's the premise of the rom-com in my mind's theater, honestly. I'm sure you can guess the gist of the whole situation without me having to blatantly spell it out. 'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends, oh. Boy-In-Question keeps texting me out of the blue, even going as far as mentioning his new job a mere fifteen minutes away; he lives in the South Bay, an hour south. Quite similar to another situation over two years ago, but that's a story for another time, perhaps. Oh, I know better than that, I know better.

Apologies for the extremely girly nature of the following paragraph, but it just has to be said with hopes that Blogspot can hold me accountable. I've gained twenty pounds since I was fifteen-years-old. That's about five pounds a year, which is a lot for someone standing at a modest height of 5'3". At a disastrous lunch with a few old friends a couple of weeks ago, a high school acquaintance (I never considered us close in the least bit) loudly declared how "different" I looked now as opposed to our high school years. After a questioning look from me, he continued to say that I was tinier back then, implying a noticeable weight gain. In the wise words of Ms. Stephanie Tanner, "HOW RUDE!" After that slap in the face, I'm now on a mission to get fit once more. Not necessarily lose weight, but get in shape. And no, round is not a shape.

It doesn't help that I can never resist the pull of Yogurtland when I veer close enough. Tart frozen yogurt + cheesecake bites + Mochi + irresistible pink spoons = a happy-go-lucky me. I've no willpower, really.

Sincerely hope you have a pleasant weekend.

Shutter Happy.

2010-05-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, I received a parcel in the mail from a dear friend in the bay area. It's quite possible that I had a heart attack once I opened the box and peered inside to see his Canon DSLR looking up at me with eager eyes. Included were a 50mm lens, the 18-55mm kit lens and a flash unit. I, then, proceeded to squeal and jump around like a maniac in my driveway as the friend I was with politely waited for my excitement to wane. I mean, who in their right mind would allow a stranger (technically speaking, we've never met) to borrow a grand's worth of camera equipment for an indefinite amount of time?! It's unheard of! And borderline crazy. But, my goodness, I am so blessed and eternally thankful for his selflessness and generosity.

And I love how his letter clearly states that I shouldn't let the wrapping paper fool me and that he wishes for me to put it through hell.

It has been a week of impromptu photoshoots, wishing for idyllic weather conditions and a shutter happy Marianne with a permanent smile plastered upon her face. While I haven't made the full transition into manual settings yet (cue dramatic music), I'm happy to say that I'm learning, and willing to learn, everything I can about this little camera. It's also quite possible that he's successfully managed to turn a Nikon fangirl into an open-minded Canon user.

Grandma.

2010-05-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's only fitting that, as I sit here with Notepad open and the vertical line blinking and prompting me to write, Between the Trees' "A Time For Yohe" plays in the background. More specifically, the line in the chorus, gently encouraging me to keep going with this post: "This is your time to weep / This is your time to mourn."

My maternal grandmother passed away last Sunday. I refuse to go into detail about such private matters on a public forum, so I'll only say that the situation is extremely bittersweet. Because it was so sudden, my mom, sister and I were unable to attend the funeral as our passports wouldn't have been renewed in time. What I didn't know was that my sister and I were the last grandchildren she'd had a hand in helping to raise. I haven't seen her since coming to California over fourteen years ago, and I regret it so much. It's become a banal saying in matters such as these, but I truly believe that she's in a better place now. I'm grateful that she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Haha. I distinctly remember thinking, at the ripe age of five as my grandma helped dress me for school, that she was such a genius for knowing which sock went on which foot. I had thought that there was a specific sock for which foot, much like the right/left certainty of shoes. Favorite memory, hands down.

I miss her a lot, and I can only hope that she's looking down with a full heart and willingness to guide me.

On Chance Encounters.

2010-04-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been blessed with an encounter that leaves you feeling as if all the stars in the universe aligned in such a way to bring you two together? The type that leaves you with an unwavering feeling of euphoria and a tangible "Heck yes, anything is possible today!" attitude? I had one of these encounters the other day and it began when he looked down at my iPod and practically shouted when he noticed I was listening to Circa Survive's "Blue Sky Noise" album. Kindred spirits, if only for a moment. Or, more accurately, a normally tiresome hour-long bus ride that flew by because of his company.

Though, I must be frank and mention that out of all the available seats to situate myself on the bus, I chose to sit next to him; I reverted to old habits as an attraction to his piercings drew me in. And I'll be the first to admit my surprise as my surreptitious use of Circa's soon-to-be-released album as bait actually worked. I've no shame, really. He apologized for snooping at my music choice, which was a sweet gesture, and an easy conversation encircling shared interests followed.

I realize it's nearly impossible to accurately gauge someone's personality from a conversation as short as ours. And my ignorance of the banal (yet very smart!) saying that one should never talk to strangers was evident. But phone numbers and social networking sites were exchanged. He's studious, with degrees in English and accounting under his belt, musically-talented as the lead vocalist in an up-and-coming local band and extremely polite; all green lights. He gave me his post-hardcore band's URL and I giggled upon hearing a cover of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" thirty minutes before starting this post. My close friends can attest to my penchant for hardcover covers of terribly catchy pop songs. It's a guilty pleasure that, well, I don't feel guilty for having.

As his stop was before mine, he stood up and explained that he was visiting his sick mom as he held up the single red rose I had first noticed upon taking the seat next to him. When I first saw the rose, I had thought that whomever he intended to give it to, was a lucky, lucky girl. And I still stand by that. A very lucky girl, indeed. So yes, a little crush has somehow made its way into my life.

Truth be told, that day was one of the more perfect days I've had in a while. A few hours after the chance encounter, I went to a restaurant to get some take-out and the girl behind the counter said she loved my hair and if she could please cut it off and put it on her head. It wasn't as creepy as I make it seem; it was very cute.

A concise summary of the previous paragraphs: I love lovely days.

P.S. Desperately wishing I were in Indio this weekend for Coachella.
P.P.S. Blogger has it out for me, seeing as this is the millionth time I've tried to update this; the page keeps timing out, even though every other page works fine. Odd?

On Let-Downs, Adventures and LA Weekly.

2010-04-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

You know what really grinds my gears? When something that's been in the planning stages for a while falls through at the very last second. (Reminiscent of one too many times when I've sat at home, all dressed up with no where to go.) Having no intention of going to a show when the artist rolls through town, talking to someone who states how amazing of an idea it would be if we were to go, getting extremely excited for the night in question, only to be let down. Again and again. Keep in mind that the concert scenario occurred twice in a span of six months.

I've mentioned time and again how I've yearned for a DSLR camera to practice, and hopefully further, my photography skills. He mentioned a grand opportunity to provide me with a camera and a chance to photograph one of the artists he's been working with - an opportunity I was extremely grateful for and literally over the moon about, only to receive one of the most disappointing phone calls I've had in a while on Tuesday afternoon. It's possible I went through a slew of a hundred emotions in one second. Extreme giddiness upon hearing my phone ring, disappointment upon realizing the opportunity wasn't going to come into fruition, and anger for trusting someone that was bound to let me down once more. It's become a set pattern, and I can't believe I allowed it to happen again.

I think I may need better friends.

Retail therapy: I believe in it. That afternoon called for a new pair of sunglasses.

Wednesday proved to be a much better day as I spent the day out and about with my sister. First stop was Hollywood and Highland to do a bunch of ridiculously touristy things: walking up and down the street pointing out names we recognized on the stars, taking photos of the handprints in front of the Chinese Theater and taking a much needed trip to Amoeba.

I thrifted this 1960's toy camera for $2 the other day. I've yet to develop my first roll of film, but it winds well and the shutter works, so I'm hoping that the photos come out alright.

Because of the 80+ degree weather, we felt that a visit to Millions of Milkshakes in WeHo was necessary. We ended the day on the Santa Monica Pier. I was only slightly disappointed that they raised the prices for the rides. Yes, the rides are akin to kitchy carnival rides, but they're fun nonetheless.

What else have I been up to, you ask? You didn't, but just go with it. In an uncharacteristically bold move, I decided to apply to write for LA Weekly's West Coast Sound blog. I sent my application a couple of weeks ago, but as of this moment, I have yet to receive a word back. I'm quite impatient when it comes to matters such as these, haven't you noticed? As of right now, however, I wouldn't mind if I weren't to get a spot. I acted on an impulse and took a risk, things I rarely do, and that's all that matters. Besides, I doubt my knowledge of mainstream music is up to par with the other applicants and well-read bloggers who have successfully placed a foot in the door of the music journalism world. Surely my meager article failed to reach the minimum word count that I didn't even know existed. Oh, and I failed geographically as I chose to compose an article surrounding an event occurring in the O.C. Fail, fail, fail. Fingers are still crossed, though.

Parlous.

2010-02-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

First it's a low-toned, mellow whisper that reminds you of the consequences - be careful. A refusal to listen to the first warning prompts The Universe to gently tug at your sleeve. Soon, blatant intimations present themselves to you in the mundane as curious slaps in the face, each warning more violent than the last. You turn a blind eye to what life has kindly shown you despite your knowledge of possible dire outcomes. As a result, what was once an imaginary consequence has taken root in front of your very eyes. You'll look on absolutely numb while remorse and a yearning for a second chance wash over you, but would you take advantage if given another opportunity?

Please take care for the warnings are growing ever frequent.

Giveaways, Grammys, Vlad the Impaler and Skins.

2010-01-31T23:06:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I noticed that I was chosen as one of two winners (out of 675 entries!) for a giveaway on A Beautiful Mess. Squeals ensued, perhaps a couple of exaggerated jumps in the air and incredulous facial expressions, too. But I've come across a dilemma - yes, a dilemma within the four days of the grand reveal. I didn't hesitate to e-mail the lovely and inspiring Elsie Flannigan to claim my gift certificate, however, I still haven't received a response. She's a busy person, I realize that, and the last thing I'd want to happen is for me to come across like the overzealous freak that I am when it comes to Red Velvet Art. But dang it, I want my prize. Should I send another e-mail? Perhaps my first one got lost amidst other messages in her inbox.

The Grammys are on right now and while I feel no qualms in being a Taylor Swift fan, isn't it a bit of a stretch to praise her writing ability and say her lyrics are wise beyond her years? I'm pretty sure I can come up with tantalizing lyrics and not have to resort to rhyming "me" with "see". She's still adorable, though. Oh, and I must add - my uneasiness as she accepted her Album of the Year award was palpable; I half expected Kanye West to run onstage and steal her moment once more.

Current: Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian. I have a bit of an impractical schedule when it comes to books I check out from the library. From the date of check-out, you have an allotted three weeks to finish and return it. The first two weeks, I take my sweet time. The third and final week, I step it up quite a bit. A majority of the time, though, it becomes necessary to renew it, which isn't a problem because it can be easily remedied with a click of the mouse. HOWEVER. My aversion to anything history-related prompted me to take my time with this novel even more than usual, with its plot surrounding Vlad the Impaler, and the relationship between Christian West and Islamic East. I planned on renewing it this past weekend to no avail. Because someone has already reserved the book, I can't renew the damn thing, motivating me to go on an insane reading spree the past few days. Not that I'm complaining, but because of the fast pace, I'm sure to overlook a few details here and there, especially the descriptions of the lovely Eastern European cities the protagonists traverse through. My favorite thus far? The description of war-torn (yet lively) Budapest, Hungary illuminating the nighttime waters of the Danube.

Beautiful. I'm sure I don't have to say that this novel has piqued my interest in visiting Europe, do I? Let's take a trip, my treat, and get lost. Not in the cities we'll be seeing, but in one another's eyes. In my opinion, the ease of getting lost in the windows of the soul is magnified with breathtaking backdrops such as this.

There. A verbose Blogspot entry to, hopefully, compensate for the lack of words in the previous weeks. I've been watching the second series of Skins and I think Jal said it best when she exclaimed, "I keep stepping on (land) mines, Cassie!" as tears ran down her cheeks. I do, too, Jal. But things will only get better from here on out. I claim it.

Another Sketchbook Snapshot.

2010-01-19T13:27:00.000-08:00

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was watching a re-run of LA Ink yesterday and this one young lady came in with this quote from Emerson. She said that as a fifteen-year-old girl, she used to think about the meaning of the word "success" and how she hated the definition we've put on the word as a society. What a profound way of thinking at such a young age! I thought. In our generation, we automatically think of material ways to define success - money, a big house, numerous cars, the latest technology, the list goes on and on. She had this quote tattooed on her, coupled with an orange blossom tree to remind herself what the true definition really is on a daily basis. She wanted to hold herself accountable and I absolutely fell in love with the idea. While I wouldn't get this as a permanent tattoo on my body, I felt that documenting it in this sketchbook was the next best thing. I constantly bring myself down for not being society's definition of "successful." I should learn to look at the smaller things and realize that I am successful in those regards. And to put it bluntly, those kinds of achievements in life will go further than the materialistic forms of success, right?

Hiatus from Blogspot; lurk Tumblr for updates! Trust & pixie dust.

A Random Thought and Updates.

2010-01-07T12:40:00.000-08:00

You'd think that finally hearing a confession I've been waiting since seventh grade for (I'm twenty, now. Do the math.) would propel me to incredible highs. That I'd be so inspired to write that I would have numerous posts queued on the mere subject alone. Sadly, that's not the case. The conversation we had three nights ago hasn't found its way out of my mind yet and an emptiness has begun to fill every crevice. Who would have thought that a void would have as much weight — even more so in matters of the heart — as something so concrete and distinct, its polar opposite? Also, this just had to make its presence known in the month preceding February, when seemingly everything explodes with hearts, pinks and reds. Truth of the matter is, there simply isn't anything I can do about the situation. I should just take Russell Peters' advice and and be a (wo)man. Takeitandgo.

A couple of updates:

I recently stumbled upon Maddy's IndieVISUAL Journal Challenge, where you draw something representing your day, everyday and post it online for the world to see. It's a year-long project and while I highly doubt I'll be able to complete all 365 days, I'll be sure to take it one day at a time. I've posted a couple on my Flickr page, as well as on Tumblr. If you've ever wanted to start an illustrated journal, please, please, please consider taking part in this, too.

The oh-so-lovely Kina Grannis at The Troubadour next week!
The last thing I want to do is jinx it, but everything looks peachy for part deux of Drummer Boy's audition. He drives back up to Santa Clara on the fifteenth. Keep him in your prayers, please!
The idea of making resolutions never really appealed to me because it's inevitable for goals to fall by the wayside. Besides, if you really want to change something about yourself, why wait for the beginning of a new year? Just change. With that said, I'm sticking to my pescetarian diet, and gradually stepping it up to vegetarianism. I'll have to look into Vegan Yum Yum, a cookbook that Kyla Roma suggested.
Kafka on the Shore is a strange one! With parallels to "Oedipus Rex", you can't really expect anything but.
One of the people I'm following on Tumblr has written a novel and is willing to mail out previous drafts to those that are interested. I'M INTERESTED! Problem is, I'm one of those super paranoid freaks (and rightly so) that would never in a million years give out my address to someone random on the internet. A solution? Get a P.O. box. But is it really worth it to pay $45 to open one up for a book? Thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Meager updates, yeah? Blame it on the lack of inspiration.

Oh. For those of you that made a New Years resolution, you should check out The Small Object's download for today -- a 2010 Daily Resolution Record Keeper. For every day you complete your goal, you simply place a stamp, a sticker, whatever on the corresponding date. If it worked when we were children (gold stars!), why shouldn't it work now? ;] Besides, it would be pretty neat to see the entire thing filled up (with a few gaping holes, here and there) by year's end.

Hope everyone's doing well!

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T19:22:00.000-08:00

The New Year is upon us! I would do an introspective post, challenging myself to look deeper within in an attempt to see how I've changed (or failed to) in the past year, but that just doesn't seem fun at the moment. Instead, I'll opt to do a list of my Favorites of 2009.

Favorite book:
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Out of all the books I read this year, this one has managed to stick with me. Murakami is truly a prolific author with his incredibly vivid descriptions and ethereal characters. I'm only two hundred or so pages into Kafka on the Shore -- is it possible to name someone your favorite author after a book and how ever many pages?

Favorite new band discovery:
Oddly enough, their name is Discovery. An amalgam of Vampire Weekend and Ra Ra Riot, this band has found a way into my heart after one listen-through of "Osaka Loop Line." It's an instant favorite. On second thought, since I'm conflicted with choosing between fun. and Discovery, I'll list both.

Favorite new TV show:
Easily Community. While The Office has hilarious intros, Community never fails to impress with its outros. The Spanish Rap with Abed and Troy is my favorite to date. I was wary of seeing this when the first promo commercials were shown and I'm glad I gave it a chance because it brings the LOLs. Oh, and Modern Family is a very close second.

Favorite movie:
(500) Days of Summer. The relatable plot, the local haunts featured such as Point Fermin Park and Bunker Hill, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart-warming smile, Zooey Deschanel's amazing wardrobe and the soundtrack -- what's not to love?

Favorite adventure:
Going down to Santa Monica Pier and Venice Beach late into the night with friends, laying a few towels down and catching up. While that was nice on its own, the addition of lighting sparklers and having a mini rave on the sand brought the night up a few notches. We're a fun group.

Favorite revived friendship:
Definitely Anthony. We've hardly had any downs in our four year friendship, but we drifted far away from one another after I graduated. A friendship only to be brought back a hundred-fold the past few weeks. He was saved this past summer and never in a million years did we think that our friendship would turn into fellowship, but it has. He took me to his church on Tuesday, hence my happy tweet from that evening. I'm blessed to have him in my life.

Favorite social networking site:
Sorry, Blogspot, but Tumblr has stolen my heart when it comes to short bursts of writing, inspiring photos and new bands to come across.

As an afterthought, add the following to your dance party playlists for tonight! It's an amazing mash-up of Billboard's Top 25 hits of this year.

I'm running out of time, so I'll have to cut this short. Tonight will be low-key and will be spent with a few lovely people -- my kind of evening. Hope everyone has a blessed New Year! Have fun. Get crunk. And make resolutions that you'll forget in a few weeks. Cheers.

Smoke.

2009-12-27T20:06:00.000-08:00

You draw in your breath, allowing the toxins to fill your lungs. The repercussions? Untold. Wavering. You exhale the wispy smoke, which dissipates into oblivion, while the faint smell of tobacco lingers on your clothing. Why must you do this in my presence? You know I thoroughly despise secondhand smoke. I whine, whinge, complain constantly and a smug smile finds its way upon your lips. A dagger would do wonders, if you felt no remorse in killing.

I've been going through old files and sketchbooks long forgotten in an attempt to find more of my quote, unquote creative writing. It's terribly written, but my love for the photo (Andy from I See Stars) called for a post. This was written after an outdoor Starbucks session with my best friend, whom I've been trying to convince to stop smoking. My efforts are futile, though; this vice has an unrelenting hold on him.

A Not-So-Serious Post (except for the end).

2009-12-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

My one rule on the 1nt3rw3bZ when it comes to links in "About Me" sections: not to leave one for my blog and Tumblr (basically anything involving writing) on other sites. For example, my Last.fm, Twitter, YouTube and Flickr pages don't have click-through links to them. But if you somehow stumble upon my blog and Tumblr, you have access to, well, pretty much everything.

There's a reason why only two of my real life friends know about this blog. I don't mind strangers having access to my posts, but I get a crazy, almost overwhelming feeling that people I know are overstepping some kind of boundary when they read my personal thoughts. But maybe I'M just crazy. And possessive.

Well, I've been found. I woke up from a night of glorious, glorious sleep to find an email on my Blackberry: "_____ started following you. Win! Love, TumblrBot." No. NO. NOOOOOO! I know I'm not at all creative when it comes to creating link names (they're all some form of "marianney") but still! What prompted him to type it into Tumblr when I have no links to it anywhere?! It's really kind of creepy if you think about it. Anyway, my last Tumblr post was addressed to him and said something along the lines of: "Please unfollow me. Ktnxbai." in hopes that it will prevent our mutual friends from adding me as well. Sigh, I don't like this.

-----------------------------------------------

I have a favor to ask of you. Yes, you, reading this.

My friend (read: Hug post) texted me last night saying he got a call-back from his Santa Clara Vanguard snare line auditions! That's one hurdle out of the way. Please, send positive thoughts for him for the next couple of weeks. Maybe I'm biased, but he truly deserves a spot on that line! I'm not exaggerating when I say that every free moment of his life is spent drumming in preparation for next summer, his age-out year. So, please, send positive thoughts. Rub a rabbit's foot. Wish on shooting stars. Throw a coin in the fountain for him. He deserves this. And it'd be the best feeling in the world to see him decked out in uniform, pouring his heart out on the field and hopefully winning a championship ring in the process.

Also, I realize there is a clear overuse of parentheses in this post. I am therefore forbidden to use them in future entries. Fin.

Gershwin and the Drunk Concert Master.

2009-12-14T12:19:00.001-08:00

I was watching an episode of Skins when this classical piece in the background piqued my interest. I knew I had heard it before, but I couldn't pinpoint the exact composer and title. Minutes went by as I scoured my brain for the information that I could recall with such ease during my Symphonic Orchestra years. A sense of relief washed over me as I remembered Gershwin's "Rhapsody In Blue". It was honestly pissing me off that I couldn't figure it out. Does that ever happen to anyone? You know you've heard something before, but can't think of who sang/played it? It's simpler with lyrical songs because you can easily pull up Google and search for the words in the song. Needless to say, I miss being part of an orchestra. That sense of unity between you and your peers as you perform on stage with the warm lights beaming down on you. Such good times.

Again, another instance where music brought me back to a memory. I remember this one performance where our concert master, a rebellious violin virtuoso forced to be a part of the music program because of his strict parents, showed up absolutely hammered. Well, scratch that. He was drinking in the empty music room while the other groups performed, as a great big "F--- YOU!" to his parents and as a makeshift tribute to his Russian heritage. When it was our turn to take the stage, he casually strolled up to the front and took his place on the podium to tune the orchestra. I wish I could say something tragic and hilarious occurred because of his drunken stupor, I really do. But all that happened was him swaying to and fro in front of a full audience, with a big, stupid grin plastered on his flushed face. I remember thinking what a fantastic way to end my senior year, were he to fall off the podium and cause a scene. (Haha, I'm horrible.) Amidst all the incredulous murmurs and whispering among us during the tuning session, our music director had absolutely no idea what was happening. I don't condone underage drinking, but honestly... it was the best. It's my second most treasured performance experience, with sneaking on the roof in our concert dress as number one.

Sigh, I really do miss it. Maybe I should get over my fear of auditioning and just do it! Life's too short for could-a, would-a, should-a. Right?

Passion Pit.

2009-12-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

I observed/realized/was reminded of several things as Kelsea and I gallivanted through Hollywood yesterday for the Passion Pit taping at Jimmy Kimmel.

Contrary to popular belief, hipster kids don't just stand and feign boredom at shows; they actually dance and sing along! It was probably a rare occurrence in the hipster world because, let's face it, Passion Pit is the only band in the world to elicit such a response. They are that amazing live. What was once a stand-around-and-wait-while-keeping-aloof crowd became a dance party in a matter of seconds.
There are some people from your high school years who will never grow up. They will still find pleasure in gossiping and making other people's lives absolutely miserable. You'll also run into them at random shows because, heck, it's a small world after all.
Pee-wee Herman still creeps me out after all these years. Straight up. It was the most awkward thing to witness as he did his interview with Kimmel completely in character.
Famima!! is (in my humble opinion) the best convenience store to ever exist. Where else can you find Bawls, Ramune, Hi-chews, Mochi and Beard Papa's under one roof? I miss having one in my town.
I will never be able to live in a city where it snows. It was a mere 50°F last night and I could barely move. You people living in winter wonderlands must be laughing right about now. In my defense, the wind chill was crazy cold.
Friends that you meet through church are Forever Friends. Enough said.

Now for a video! My favorite part was when everyone chimed in during the first "higher and higher and higher" part of the Little Secrets chorus. It sent chills down my spine, that feeling of unity in a crowd of strangers. Then again, it simply could've been because of the chill in the air. Ha.

My only gripe about last night was their three song limit. They played The Reeling and their single, Sleepyhead, in addition to the televised Little Secrets and promptly said their goodbyes, much to the dismay of the audience. Our shouts for an encore were ignored, but honestly, it wasn't bad for a free show. A good time was had by all and it's safe to say my no-show-streak is over.

Cadence.

2009-12-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

You make your way on stage, each step heavier than the last. The nerves, so tangible, accented by the mild tremors of your cold, cold hands. You shake it off as you reach the microphone. Center stage: where you belong. The bright lights shine down as you scan the audience for a familiar face and a sense of calm washes over you as we make eye contact. An encouraging smile, camcorder in hand, the white of the screen highlighting my face in the sea of shadows. Meager applause follows your introduction, but you brave through it without so much as a second thought. The beat crescendos through the stale air and you fall into it and you're up and you're out and your caged words and rhymes escape. Layer upon layer of preconceived notions are stripped away until you're all that's left, if only for a brief moment. The song ends, but your time in the spotlight's only beginning; the applause is deafening.

I must confess. This brief acquaintance resulted in playing Russian Roulette with your playlists.

I don't want to intimidate, I want to inspire.

An Open Letter.

2009-11-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Berkeley,

Perhaps "Hercules, California" might be a more accurate location? I won't hesitate to shoot you a message here because I know you still read this blog, though we've failed to make any sort of real communication the past few months. I had a dream about you a few days ago, one that involved us being in the same classroom, oddly enough. You were seated directly behind me and while we surely recognized one another, we didn't acknowledge it aside from a knowing glance upon my turning around. You then asked to borrow the grey cardigan in my purse because the room was freezing. (Though, now that I think of it, I'm not really sure why I wasn't wearing it in the first place; I need sweaters and scarves galore when temperatures hit low 70's.) Odd, don't you think? Maybe this dream was brought on by the low air fares Southwest Airlines was offering a few weeks ago? I think it was $25 one-way to San Francisco or something. Anyway, hope things have improved marginally for you since the last time we spoke. I'm sure they have. Keep on keeping on, you hear?

Dreaming of a Nick and Norah inspired adventure,
Glendale.

PS. TDAGARIM, also.
PPS. I bet you're going to be beyond disappointed after perusing this letter. Told you it wasn't anything to look forward to.

Doe-eyed.

2009-11-23T11:46:00.000-08:00

You wish with all your might for your saving grace, one that will care for you and complement you perfectly. The girl that will cause you to be the envy of every solitary being you come across because of your untainted and everlasting love. But when opportunity presents itself in a form of a doe-eyed girl with a heart of gold, you dismiss it without reason. Tears cloud her vision, until the background lights sparkle and blend in with a subtle bokeh effect. In her perfect world, you'd wipe her worries away, gently tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her forehead with a fervent passion only you two can comprehend. Flighty fancies fall by the wayside and reality is all she's left with once more.

Vincent Thomas Bridge.

2009-11-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

Andrew called the other day and left a message saying that He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named asked about me. (Yes, Lord Voldemort.) I'm sure he asked in passing, in a nonchalant "by the way, how's Marianne?" kind of manner. Truth: I was perfectly fine with keeping him out of my life. In fact, he hasn't invaded my thoughts in over six months, except for the random text a few weeks ago when he asked me to go to his show in Hollywood. But even then, it didn't faze me and I brushed it off with ease.

For some reason, Andrew's voicemail hit me hard. Of course it was only for a moment, but it was one highlighted with tears welling up in my eyes. I fell into a daze, knee-deep in memories of him and what we used to be. Strolling along the lighthouse at Point Fermin Park. Stealing kisses at our cliff overlooking the most spectacular sunsets. Making silly faces at the jellyfish in the aquarium. I missed him. But only for a moment. My lapse of judgment lasted a mere ten seconds at most and I shook myself out of it just as quickly. I'm better and relatively more breakdown-free without such a toxic being in my life. I know it. Our relationship, no matter how dysfunctional, had its good moments, but the past is the past and that's where it shall stay.

2S to the 5S to 110S. Sorry, but the bridge is broken. I know the phrase is "burned bridge," but you can't really burn a metal bridge no matter how long you hold the match to it, can you?

Vincent Thomas Bridge on Flickr

PS. Embarrassing face-palm moment the other day when I left a comment on someone's blog that it wasn't meant for. I deleted it. Without an apology. Because I was so freaked out. The blog names were just oh-so similar! Shoot me.

Honest Scrap Award.

2009-11-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Brent for giving me my very first award on Blogger! I was thrilled and had to do a double-take upon receipt. Similar to him, I, too, have no clue as to what the "scrap" part in "Honest Scrap" alludes to. Are we trash? Rubbish? Made to recycle? No idea. Let's move on, shall we?

The Rules of the Award
1) Thank the person who gave the award and list their blog and link it.
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

10 Honest Things About Myself
1. Whenever I'm in a car that runs a yellow light, I always tap the ceiling twice. My friends will literally punch the ceiling, leaving dents, if they accidentally go through a red light. Sometimes, I think they do it intentionally for anger-relieving purposes.
2. I'm inspired by the artistic gems in the Tumblr, Etsy and Vimeo communities. And because of it, I want an infinite amount of pretty yarn, a sewing machine and a Nikon DSLR to film and take photos with.
3. I fall into ruts pretty often and find myself clawing at the sides with no luck. During these brief points in time, I'll ignore all phone calls and most texts, neglect any form of creativity and wallow in self-pity. It's a terrible habit, really.
4. You know that song by Landon Pigg? The one where he talks about coffee shops and falling in love? I really do believe book stores are the way to go. Strike up a convo! There's some literary romance to be had.
5. People constantly mistake me for being sixteen or seventeen-years-old. I'll pretend to be annoyed at the time, but secretly revel in the thought that I won't have to worry about looking old when I'm middle-aged. Boo-yah.
6. My favorite sound in the whole wide world? Drum sticks clicking and/or keeping time. If you read through enough of my blog entries, you'll come to realize that I am a self-proclaimed band geek and darn proud of it.
7. I'm nearing my one-year-mark without going to a single show. It's unprecedented, really. Ever since Warped Tour 2006, I've constantly gone to shows/concerts/festivals, sometimes averaging five in a month. But with this darn economy and no cash to shell out, I've learned to stop skimming through event calendars.
8. There's a video somewhere on YouTube where I'm singing "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" in a faux Korean accent with my hair up in pigtails. It was for a church presentation and no, I won't link you. :]
9. The end of tenth grade was marked by two months in the hospital because of my heart surgery. My friendship with the nurses allowed for my buddies to stay well past visiting hours. I also made good friends with the little boy next door. We'd have wheelchair races up and down the hallway and tell one another secrets. I've lost touch with him and sincerely hope he's okay.
10. I believe people are intrinsically good and I think you're lovely. Yes, you, person reading this. You deserve the best this world has to offer and you shouldn't settle for less. I mean it from the depths of my little heart. <3

My Seven Bloggers:
1. Geoh. Andrew is the only real life friend that knows I keep a blog online. This producer is amazing at what he does.
2. your wishcake. Kerri's a doll, with entertaining posts that are filled with humor and are super easy to relate to.
3. m.writes. Marta's blog, filled with the cutest anecdotes of her family, her impeccable calligraphy and inspiring quotes, is simply amazing.
4. Sherbet Blossom. Hannah has the best links when it comes to crafting and I heart her blog dearly because of it. Also, she's the sweetest mommy with the cutest kids. Her love for her family fills my heart with joy.
5. Lisa's Likes. She's fashionable, cute and spunky. Plus, I love her recipe posts with step-by-step photos.
6. Wunderbug. Courtney's adventures are so much fun to read about. Also, who can resist mini apple and pumpkin pies?
7. Stephanie Amber. Her love for God inspires me to be a better Christian. Her testimonies are powerful, yet easily relatable, and stirs up something in my heart. Plus, our Bibles are both pink.

Each blogger has inspired me in one way or another: to be a better writer, to be more crafty, to try new things. Collectively, they've inspired me to be a better person. Their positive outlook on life shines through in each and every post and I'll take this time to say, "Thank you."

Brent: I would have chosen you as one of my seven bloggers, but I think writing an Honest Scraps blog three times is borderline overkill. If you're up to the challenge, though, go for it!

A Happy List.

2009-11-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

Things I've been obsessing over recently:

- Skins. Maybe it's the charming Bristol accent or the witty, fast-paced dialogue. Or because Degrassi has been in a downward spiral for the past few seasons that it has stopped quenching my thirst for juicy, so-bad-it's-good teen drama. Either way, I'm hooked.

- Demi Lovato. No, wait. Before I stab myself in the eye with the nearest pencil for mentioning a Disney star that teeny-boppers adore, let me rephrase that: her upbeat music. It's a far cry from what I normally listen to, but it's really nice that her tunes provide a way for my little sister and I to connect. I'll learn the songs on guitar, while she sings along. It's an all-around good time.

- Left-over / discount Halloween candy from Target the days following October 31st. At least the candy I'm consuming can be considered somewhat Christmas-y, with its minty interior and dark chocolate shell. Mmmm, melt-in-your-mouth goodness.
- Going along with the topic of food, I'll mention the holy grail of Mexican restaurants, Taco Azteca. I've been blessed to live in Southern California where legit Mexican food can be found with relative ease. No, Taco Bell, Del Taco (Bell Del?) don't count. Fish tacos and an horchata to wash it all down? Count me in.
- Perfect penmanship. London boy wrote to me a few weeks ago and I still can't get over his cursive. I couldn't help but swoon as I read the contents of his letter and the meticulous detail of every swirl and curve of each letter was the icing on the cake. Tyler, or as I affectionately call him "Cesure", has an amazing way with words and deserves a post of his own. Watch for it.
- Vintage luggage. The prospect of travel appeals to me so, so much.

I'm trying to trick myself into being in a better state of mind. Not really sure if it's working so far... In any case, what happy things have consumed your thoughts lately, dear reader?

Update: Two of the bloggers I'm following - TWO - were proposed to this week! (oh,hellofriend and whatiwore). If these things don't belong in a happy list, then I don't know what does. It's all so amazing and fills my little heart with so much joy. And to think, I don't even know these ladies in real life! Cuh-razy, I tell ya.

Miniscule.

2009-11-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

I cannot even begin to fathom how small I am in the grand scheme of things. It's similar to the feeling that overcomes you as you rest in an open field and gaze at the twinkling celestial bodies in the vast night sky. It's an overwhelming and all-consuming feeling, one that goes right down to your core and has the power to render you useless. That's life at the moment - except I don't have the comfort of a loved one at my side, holding my hand and shielding me from the horrors of the night. At least then, I would know that everything will be alright. Where do we go from here? And why are we doing this? For the adventure. For the impossibility.

I promise to write (you) each day.

Yeah.

2009-11-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that unspoken sentiments floated between us as we took our final stroll those weeks ago. Maybe it was the re-emergence of his elusive ex-girlfriend, whom he's still in love with, that caused our strange falling out. Either way, I've lost his friendship and all the inspiration that it brought along. I feel like crawling into a hole. Or better yet, into a deep well with a baseball bat to keep me company, while a blue-black mark makes its home on my cheek. References to The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle? Win. God, that book. So compelling, so odd and dream-like. I'm nearing the final chapters and am actually saddened that it's coming to a close. Normally, it takes fifty or so pages for me to get sucked into a novel, but Murakami must have laced each beautifully written page with cocaine because I was hooked within the first chapter, as short as it was. And to think the mystery surrounding the lost cat is probably the most normal part of the novel! Ha. I'm thoroughly enjoying today's cooler temperatures, after the summer-like sauna we were blessed to have the past few days. This is wishful thinking at its best, but I'm hoping this weather stays for the duration of fall. Please, please, please, let me get what I want this time. Yes, The Smiths. It's astounding how fast this year's flying by, though. How is it November already? Pretty soon, the holidays will have passed, only to bring about the normalcy of the beginning months of the new year.

I suppose this is a true stream-of-consciousness. Unedited and arbitrary musings by yours truly. Adieu, for now. Hope this message finds you well in your part of the world.

Wordless Wednesday.

2009-10-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

(Almost.) The I'm-too-lazy-to-lug-around-a-camera-so-a-Blackberry-will-have-to-suffice edition. I sacrificed quality for convenience. Apologies.

Uphill jog. Pumpkin patch. Starbucks. Regina Spektor's "Us." View. Downtown.

I have been lacking inspiration to do anything "creative" lately. My guitar's gathering dust, along with my sketchbook and watercolors, I haven't picked up my crochet needle in weeks and my writing has gone off the deep end. Honestly, there's a proverbial tumbleweed blowing around my mind at the moment. Which brings me to this post that shouldn't even be considered a real post because of the lack of substance. :]

Random.

2009-10-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

The past seven months have paved way to an unconventional friendship, its roots stemming from an "I love your writing style. Can't wait to read more of your work!" message on Xanga. We've been shooting messages back and forth since then and learning about one another and I believe there's a very real possibility this London boy knows more random facts about me than my real life friends. But I digress. Each message is structured as follows: commentary about the previous message, a reply to answers and a list of questions the other must respond to. One of the questions in his past message told me to ask three friends what a person should know before they meet me. I asked a few friends, whose responses made me smile and made for a good pick-me-up.

My favorites:
1. She likes to act tough and start little fights. Truth is, she couldn't hurt a fly.
2. She loves John Mayer (especially Continuum) because it reminds her of fall of senior year when life was simple. She also likes Paramore who, for her protection, killed a vicious butterfly and put it on the cover of their latest release.
3. She loves to read while sipping on a grande iced coffee with white mocha.
4. Marianne likes to go on random walks and geocaching adventures at night.
5. Too many people have tried to hurt her, but have never succeeded. She is too strong for that.
6. "Awkward" silences aren't awkward to her. If you're having a serious talk with Marianne and she's quiet, don't freak out. It just means she's thinking about what you just said, lost in her own little world.

GeOh (who has an advantage because he reads my blog) says:
1. You're a fierce friend once someone reaches that point, but due to past events, you keep your heart guarded, from new friendships and new love.
2. Music flows through your veins. More specifically, Mae's the everglow.
3. You can't handle another heartbreak. By the looks of things, that one might end you. Handle with care.
4. You are in DIRE need of a good adventure once in a while.
5. Creativity appeals to you, in any shape or form. Some fucktard off the street can come up to you, and while you reach for your mace, completely disarm you by saying, "I can shit the Eiffel Tower in 1/56th of a scale. Wanna see?" Okay, maybe not THAT. But throw a good Palahniuk quote your way, and it's game over.

Yeah, I don't know what was going through his mind when he wrote that somewhat offensive blurb about the Eiffel Tower. And if you didn't know already, I'm deathly afraid of butterflies, a fact everyone seems to enjoy throwing in my face once in a while. My friends are the greatest.

Because of a 3am attack from insomnia last night, I found myself on the 20 Something Bloggers community. I ended up creating an account for it, most likely because my impulsivity reaches its peak when sleep deprivation is also, coincidentally, at its highest. Seems like a promising and reliable Yellow Pages of sorts, but we'll see how that goes.

Just finishing up my current read, Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins, which I despised at first because it felt like every subject he touched upon was so arbitrary. Talks of aliens from the planet Argon, conspiracy theories regarding red heads, and a thorough analysis of a package of Camel cigarettes somehow tie into a love story between an exiled princess and a rebellious outlaw determined to make love stay. I'm nearing the end, though, and everything seems to tie together nicely. By the way, the book's description of being an adult fairytale is relatively accurate. You've been warned.

What else, what else. The weather! It was lovely and rainy and oh-so comfortable the past few days. But like anything in life, it's rudely taken away without so much as a second thought as soon as you find yourself getting lost in it. We're expecting temperatures in the high 90s for tomorrow and Saturday. Mother Nature, it's autumn, won't you please ease up and give us a break? It'll be greatly appreciated.

/random_update.

PS. The elusive Tea Not War that I rambled on about in the Google Reader subs post has been found under a new pseudonym. Despite me sounding like an absolute creeper, I'll go ahead and say that this calls for a happy dance.

Hug.

2009-10-12T12:14:00.001-07:00

This is terribly written with scattered thoughts and even more scattered emotions. However, I have to try and get this written down before it makes its graceful exit from my mind... though I'll be honest and say that the chances of that happening are slim. Slim, I tell ya.

Have you ever been faced with a situation in which you find yourself extremely close to losing someone? Not in a broken friendship kind of way, but something you learn that makes you realize how terribly lucky you are to have that person in your life? Finding out something new about them that makes something in you -click- and realize that there was one moment where they could have been taken away from you. One moment so vital that if it never happened, your paths wouldn't have crossed, leaving you without the most profound friendship of your life?

He's told me the story before, but the impact this time around was long-lasting. I just sat there on his right, on our favorite bench during our favorite time of night, frozen and speechless. I took one short, fleeting glance at him but everything from that moment can be recalled perfectly if I just close my eyes for a second. Maybe it was the way the moonlight gently illuminated his face. The way his new haircut was still in that awkward stage before it had a chance to finally settle. Or the way his black button-down shirt, dark jeans and dress shoes just fit so perfectly with the pronounced blacks and greys of the night. He was staring straight ahead at the muted yellows of the playground when I broke though the silence and a meek whisper escaped my lips, "I just need a hug." We made eye contact, he held me and I cried.

Seconds turned into minutes and the vexatious ring tone that startled us countered the soothing comfort from his warm embrace. We walked back to my street, holding hands and allowed the silence to swallow us once more.

This week, I...

2009-10-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

- took my anger out on a very lovely person, whom I'm currently making amends to by writing a super heart-felt letter.
- went on my first geocaching adventure. If you haven't tried it or heard of it before, please do so now! I'm positive there are some caches hidden in your very neighborhood because that was the case with me. Such a fun adventure with friends.
- started and finished a YA novel in one day - Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan (of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist fame). Granted I'm neither gay nor a boy, but I found myself really connecting with the story. Plus, the love interest reminded me of someone I know. They're both intriguing, mysterious, word-maker-upper, "paint" music on canvas kinds of boys. Le sigh.
- heard some equally terrifying and amusing Drum Corp initiation stories.
- showed restraint by not buying anything from Urban Outfitters.
- finally learned the intro to "Laser Speed" by Between the Buried and Me on acoustic guitar.
- completely skipped fall altogether and went straight to winter by purchasing peppermint herbal tea and listening to Christmas music.

YAY. Happy weekend!
(as inspired by Jasmine on An Experiment in Poverty)

Music & Memories.

2009-09-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

I believe that we use music as bookmarks in the great big book of Life. Hearing a song has the power to take us back to one, solitary moment, enabling us to relive it again and again, if we wish to. And the emergence of iPods and mp3 players only makes those memories all the more accessible.

I attempted to create a list of my five favorite albums earlier. My attempt was proven futile when only one came to mind: Mae's "The Everglow". I love this album to pieces. It speaks volumes that this is the only CD I can repeatedly listen to from beginning to end and can still enjoy as if I barely ripped off the plastic cover and annoying security tape hours prior. It wins the title of Favorite Album, hands down.

But back to the topic at hand -- my songs of significance:
- "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. This song very quickly became our bandie anthem. Every time we were out and this came on, we'd stop whatever we were doing to burst out in song, much to the chagrin of onlookers. Or we'd be in the car when it would magically come onto the radio. We'd crank it up and just go all out. Laughing and singing and sharing a memory with one another, ending in a collective sigh as the last chord wafted through the air.
- "Guilty Pleasure" by Cobra Starship. Kelsea, Ben, Julian and I were en route to The Hat in Pasadena when this song came on. The music video has a very fun, very memorable dance scene (if you could even call it that) during the chorus, which we all did. At the same time. Without any previous planning. All while the people in surrounding cars stared, mouths agape at our teenage stupidity. Oh, my goodness. Good times. "If the world is ending, I'm throwing a party!"
- "Tisbury Lane" by Mae. Sheila and I were traipsing through Borders bookstore one day when she had me listen to this and I immediately fell in love. I'm almost positive this was the moment that my obsession with Mae came into fruition. Oh, and don't get me started on the amazing bass line that starts around 2:30ish.
- "To Know Your Name" by Hillsong United. The message is so simple: Jesus loves us so much that He sent His only Son. But it broke me down to the core and touched me in a way I'd never thought possible when I heard it for the first time at church. I'll put it on whenever I need a reminder of His love.
- "Thelma and Louise" by the Horrorpops. It was our friendship to the tee. The lyrics were absolutely perfect. Driving around aimlessly with my best friend, singing along to favorite songs and having that sense of freedom we all crave once in a while. Because we constantly drove around without a set destination in mind, I don't have a specific memory to pin it down to, but I think that adds more to the nostalgia. Fun fact: Patricia Day can often be seen driving her classic car down the streets of Glendale.

Luhrrve it.

Karma.

2009-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

Hurt and deceit turns into confusion and anger. Sprinkle it with pints of aggression and ambiguous notes written all over social networking sites that I know you'll inevitably come across. Excuses for past behavior float into my mind. Maybe this is all retribution for what I did two years ago. I'm one to give credit when due, though. If the past couple of weeks truly were an attempt at cruel vengeance, well, then I graciously tip my hat to you. For not only have you wounded my pride, you've successfully managed to rip apart something I was so wary to hand over in the first place. Who's left to pick up the pieces? In hindsight, we truly were slow dancing in a burning room.

Karma, I admit defeat.

Outbursts.

2009-09-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

Have you realized how many public outbursts there have been recently?

1. During Obama's health care reform address, Joe Wilson blatantly showed a lack of respect by exclaiming, "You lie!".
2. Serena Williams' tirade during the U.S. Open, prompting some not-so-witty newspaper headlines, but still humorous nonetheless. Not So Serene. Serena Goes Ball-istic. She straight up scaressss me. Straight. Up.
3. Kanye strikes again and earns the Douchebag of the Year award. Bar none. At first I thought it was a stunt, but the look on Taylor Swift's face as he took the mic and tainted her first moon man win was just heart-wrenching. Beyoncé remedies the situation by giving Swift her moment, showing such class and elegance.

The Trifecta of Tantrums, ladies and gentlemen. It's ridiculous, but since it's all we've really been hearing about the past two days, I'll take this time to show you the greatest part about the Internet.

It's so well-edited and I ROFLMAO'd when I first saw it.

Also, it's "off-the-record" now, but you cannot deny how freaking amazing our President is. For many reasons, but this statement just tops the cake. Leave it to TMZ to get the audiotape of Obama calling Kanye a jackass. It's golden.

Reunions.

2009-09-14T10:16:00.001-07:00

The past few days have been filled with impromptu reunions. This entry will be one of those "this is what I did today" types. I'm merely doing this for posterity's sake, but because of the lack of original posting, I figure this is better than nothing at all. Maybe it's unconventional, but I feel like back-tracking.

Saturday evening was spent with amazing friends and watching "The Holiday". My friend, Anthony, kidnapped my iPod and returned it after adding over two gigs of A Tribe Called Quest, D'Angelo, The RH Factor, Erykah Badu, Common, John Legend, etc. I think this is where my brief stint with the world of hip-hop and R&B will start. To kind of even it out, I introduced him to Between the Buried and Me. I played "Selkies" and the first thing that came out of his mouth was "Holy crap -- the time signatures!"

Yessss. I love having such musically-inclined friends.

We went to a quaint restaurant in Little Tokyo to celebrate a friend's birthday on Friday. Good company, good food and even more amazing memories. I originally had planned on not attending, but I'm glad I went. Hanging out with them always equates to strange adventures.

Popkiller Second at Little Tokyo. Boy in the blue NOFX shirt ended up surprising me with those glasses because I loved them so much, haha. We're a strange bunch, honestly.

Thursday afternoon was spent auditioning the next batch of drumline kids at Wilson Middle School with Dominic. The BFFL, partner-in-crime. We proceeded to go to his house after revealing which student made it and which drum they were to be assigned to. His mom welcomed me with a great big hug and a girl's favorite thing to hear: "You've gained weight!" Thanks for lowering my self-esteem even more. We saw "Yes, Man" (I didn't know Zooey Deschanel was the leading lady!) and went to Starbucks, armed with our drum practice pads and sticks and played in the patio. There were two metal guys in their thirties at the table closest to us. One of their phones kept ringing and I recognized it as Pantera's "Walk" and spoke up about it. They were genuinely surprised that I would recognize the song, much less know that Pantera existed. They probably saw me as a little girl who listened only to mainstream pop (not that there's anything wrong with that!). They're playing a show at the Whisky A Go-Go in November and they offered us free tickets, which was a kind gesture. Met up with another high school friend that same evening and caught up.

Oh gosh, this post is reminiscent of my old Xanga days. Hopefully I'll actually have something of substance the next time around? Yeah, hopefully.

Later days!
You'll score points with me if you know where that comes from, by the way. :P

Sondre Lerche!

2009-09-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

A friend pointed me out to him and his music a few weeks ago. If The Carpenters and Jason Mraz had a musical lovechild and the cast of Grease raised him -- that's how I would describe his music. I, for one, think it's a relatively accurate description, haha. Part orchestral pop, part jazz feel, it's absolutely relaxing. His fifth studio album, Heartbeat Radio, comes out today! Buy it! Honestly, it's impossible to turn down Sondre Lerche, those baby blues and that charming croon.
At the very least, watch him in this video. He's so personable and all around lovely, wouldn't you agree? Favorite part: pronouncing his name the "American way" and the heart-melting shrug that ensues because of it around 0:35 and his rendition of "The Word Girl" at the end.

Subs.

2009-09-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

After adding some lovely blogs to Google Reader, I came to the realization that I had just under one hundred subscriptions. ONE HUNDRED. How time consuming! However, some of those blogs haven't been written in for a few months, which prompted me to rid my bursting-at-the-seams Google Reader of them.

Some of my favorite blogs are no more, I'm sad to say. The most noteworthy being survivingmyselfblog.com. His posts were witty and intelligent, two characteristics that I consider when browsing for new blogs to read. I remember one of his last posts saying he felt his time spent in the blogosphere, while amazing, has finally come to an end. He strongly felt it was time to move on with the rest of his life, but I thought, "Oh, he'll be back. They always come back."

He never came back and now I'm saddened.

Upon second thought: since it took a purging of Google Reader subscriptions for me to come to the realization that he was, indeed, really gone, should I have considered myself a fan in the first place? Haha, I'm pathetic. Here's his old blog, if any of you were curious.

Midway through the subscriptions list, I came upon tea-not-war.com -- another favorite. His posts, brimming with snarky comments and anecdotes about his life, were a fun read. He was awesome! Or should I say "bloody brilliant" since the lad hails from the UK? Haha, isn't it obvious how easily amused I am?

But anyway, here's for starting fresh with my subscriptions! Perfect for this time of year when change is imminent -- the start of fall, leaves turning wonderful shades of orange and yellow. Oh, and pumpkin spice lattes?

A resounding "yes."

List.

2009-09-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

Things I've learned from the blogs I follow (mainly creative Etsy types):

Using the word "vintage" to describe something automatically makes the item in question more appealing.
3/50 all day, everyday.
We have Urban Outfitters and the Impossible Project to thank for bringing Polaroids back for a limited time. We can all stock up, be stingy and take ONLY one photo a week for the rest of our lives now. Yay!
In addition to Polaroids, photographs taken with a Diana or a Holga make the masses swoon. Don't forget the bokeh effect now, you hear?
They're all friends. All of them. It's kind of awesome and I wish I were creative/awesome enough to be grouped in with that bunch. My favorite? The girls on Red Velvet Art.
Spend just a few minutes skimming through their art and/or blogs and you will be inspired to crochet a bear beanie with ear flaps, bake red velvet cupcakes for the first time, practice calligraphy. All in all, you'll allow your creative juices to flow freely.
Nothing - NOTHING - is better/cuter/more amazing than Happy Tape. I'm still deciding whether or not I should buy a pack. I'm craving them all, to be perfectly honest.
The reviews on ReelArtsy will make you want to watch every indie film in existence.

I love lists. Nothing makes me feel more productive than crossing things off a To-Do list, for example. And in a hopefully-not-so-vain attempt at getting back into the swing of things on here, I've resorted to making a list of things I've learned, in this case, from the amazing blogs out there that I am infinitely jealous of.

PS: How cute are these?

Click for source: + + + +

Explanation?

2009-09-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine mentioned that they stumbled across this blog. The stream of consciousness that I poured my heart into for a good six months. (Not really.) After skimming through all of my posts, he said (and I quote) that I have "officially indirectly caused him to reevaluate [his] life."

Uh, what? I didn't know I could affect someone in such a way.

Needless to say, it caused me to read through my posts. I realize I've been neglecting this blog. Truth is, I've been neglecting a lot lately. Because of the lack of motivation or blatant apathy getting the best of me -- I'm really not quite sure. Actually, I recant that previous statement. It's because I'd rather not share my negativity in such a public forum. I never fully got out of that rut I previously wrote about and while I know I should place myself in the mentality that things can only get better from here, I refuse to fall in that mindset until I can tangibly feel a definitive change. I would rather not count my chickens before they hatch, so to speak, because that has the very real possibility of beating me even further down into nothingness, which is a scary thought.

To put this entry simply: Marianne is feeling emo, but she'll blame writer's block for the lack of posts. The end. Fin. Life, you suck. Whoo.

I'm done riding this emotional roller coaster for now and I ever-so-sincerely hope this post finds you well.

Crunkcore.

2009-07-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: It's unlike me to curse, but darn, this just pissed me off.

I recently read a blog where the author very eloquently expressed his views on crunkcore music and its listeners. He explained his dislike of the genre and went on to talk about its lack of cultural merits, complex lyrics and all-around talent. While I would have to agree with his points, I would never dream of verbalizing it the way he did. Don’t get me wrong. I commend him for his…testicular fortitude, if you will, to say what’s on his mind. It’s just that I’ve personally come across people whose music tastes are so boxed off, that they bring every other band and genre down. What’s more, they also bring the morale of the listener down in the process. And honestly, it’s not the best feeling being on the receiving end of one of those rants.

I say eff it. Let them enjoy what music they want to enjoy. Reasons to listen to music range from expression, a connection to the band and other listeners, to quenching the thirst of wanting to be understood by someone other than yourself through lyrics. But all in all, music is mere entertainment. And fuck, if it entertains, so be it. Listen to your music. Enjoy it. Revel in it. But don’t bring others down for their so-called “terrible taste” and allow them the same courtesy of listening to whatever they want to.

Just live in effing musical harmony, dammit.

End of two minute rant. Excuse the expletives, please.

Tumblr.

2009-07-23T01:04:00.001-07:00

This new-found obsession with Tumblr cannot be healthy. I realize that it is only a glorified Twitter, of course. But that doesn't stop me from fine-tuning my theme, keeping a lookout for the perfect image and quote to post, and watching my tumblarity fluctuate without any rhyme and reason, it seems like.

It's funny. I delete all of my social networking sites from high school only to sign up for others and thus, killing even more of my precious time.

Sigh, when will I ever learn.

(Insert awesome segue here.)

Owen Pallett covering Joanna Newsom's "Peach Pear Plum."
I'm kind of in love with it. My reason for posting this video in an entry titled "Tumblr" is because I initially planned to post it on there, but felt it was too awesome not to repost on here. Mhmm.

Bikes.

2009-07-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Friends and I went on a casual bike ride recently. You know... the um, pedal kind (notice our nerdy helmets.) All of a sudden, we heard the all too familiar roar of a motorcycle and our friend Jackie decided to grace us with her presence. She showed us up with her bike, without a doubt, but the occasion definitely called for an impromptu photo session.

Hm.

2009-07-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

I suppose two months is ample time for a Blogger break, yeah?

Nothing significant has really happened. Tons of little updates, though:
- I signed up for my very first giveaway on Scoutie Girl a few weeks ago. For some reason, I had a really good feeling about it. However I'll admit to feeling a bit skeptical. You know how the saying goes -- don't count your chickens before they hatch? Yeah. But wouldn't you know it, I was actually chosen. My squeals upon receiving the confirmation email were piercing, to say the very least. The necklaces from polarity and uncorked are beautiful and, believe it or not, are even more amazing in person. I haven't stopped wearing one a day, honestly.

I'm currently in the process of finding a perfect Thank You gift to send back. It's the right thing to do, but it's proving very difficult because nothing is either too cute or too thoughtful enough, in my opinion.
- Gasp. I've signed up for a tumblr account. Follow? :]
- Finally finished The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I suppose it was well-written, considering it's a classic, but it wasn't really my cup of tea. Favorite character? Definitely Samwise Gamgee. Aragorn is a very close second.
- Still haven't seen Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Shocking, isn't it? My friends and I had originally planned to go to the midnight showing on opening day, but plans changed. We've planned two more trips, all to no avail. At this point, I wouldn't really mind seeing it by my lonesome. In the meantime, I'm re-reading the series. Happy face.
- Dominic and I met up with Sergio (our old drum coach) and his wife the other evening. I was afraid of the awkwardness that might ensue after such a time apart, but in hindsight, I had absolutely nothing to worry about. Dinner went well. I only hope that Dominic and I never lose touch with him. It was because of Serg that our passion for drumline, and music in general, had a chance to take root in something so tangible. The words of wisdom he bestowed upon us, the techniques he shared and the camaraderie we felt. Good times.

Alrighty. Happy weekend, all! And might I add, it's good to be back.
Well, we'll see. I doubt I'll ever be able to keep up with this on a regular basis... But here's to wishful thinking!

:]

2009-05-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

I won't be blogging for a while, but I'll still keep up with Google Reader.
au revoir pour maintenant.

Happy Mothers Day.

2009-05-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

Mommy,
Thank you for putting up with my crazy antics all these years. Thank you for being the strong, self-sufficient woman you are. Thank you for allowing me to see that. Thank you for caring and for loving me unconditionally. Thanks for being the best advice-giver, a shoulder to cry on and a friend to laugh with. If I grow up to be half as amazing as you, I wouldn't have any complaints. I love you, times infinity.

mom and sis: my two favorite people in the world.

Soko.

2009-05-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm the one for you, you're the one for me.
You love me as much as I do.

Soko on MySpace.

Deleted.

2009-04-29T00:23:00.001-07:00

[stream of consciousness, exercise one. time allotted: seven minutes.]

I've been caught up in thoughts concerning best friends the past few days. Maybe I'm cursed and the forces in the universe always align perfectly to destroy these friendships at the highest point. Maybe it's fate simply doing what it's meant to. Either way, the pain that resulted from the goodbyes will never be forgotten. I read a Xanga entry on "deleting" people from one's life. The gist of the blog was how she couldn't understand how people find no remorse in deleting others from their life. People that once held such important roles are now forgotten. I'm guilty of acting similarly; I tend to run away from my problems and forgetting about that person/event/whatever just seems like the easiest solution. But I have one issue with this. Bidding farewell to that person and consequently that period of your life, will ultimately delete "you" in the end. Do this enough and you'll completely lose track of how you got to where you are today. As much as I want to think that I "run away from my problems" and that I have no issues with cutting people from my life, that's really not the case at all. How else am I going to see that I've grown up? That decisions I made in the past are ones that I wouldn't dream of making today? I can't. I really can't.

With that said, I wonder if those ex-best friends in my life, no matter how long ago, think of me as much as I seem to think of them. Do they ever regret our falling out to the same degree as I do?

I'd like to believe that certain individuals enter your life for a reason. Either a smile, a shoulder to lean on, or a lesson learned. It's something that should be remembered, no matter what. So, no. I choose to never forget those parts of my past, those people I once held in high regard. Despite the negativity of our falling out, I'd be a fool to try and convince myself that our friendship was solely based on it. We had happy moments. No matter how scarce, we did. Never regret what once made you smile, right?

Sigur Rós.

2009-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Sigur Ros - Við spilum endalaust - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque.

What I would give to be in the presence of such amazing musicians. I love this video. It makes my heart melt each and every time. Oh, and the bass drum at the end with the revolving doors is the proverbial cherry on top.

Memory.

2009-04-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

"Are you ready?" She answered with a smile and they were off.

A gentle breeze danced around them as they walked through the bustling city to their destination. They walked in a way that was familiar to them: feet in sync, in a rhythm all their own, two bodies moving side by side but never quite touching. A few times, her hand casually brushed his. She never dared utter an apology, for fear of bringing up something so taboo in their friendship. She curiously wondered if the same thought was playing out in his head. His aversion to her gaze told her it was definitely a possibility and she reveled in that thought.

----------

I found this in my old sketchbook earlier. Wishful thinking? Imagination? But maybe, just maybe, it was grounded in something a bit more tangible.

(icons via justsomeiconssilly)

Disneyland.

2009-04-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

The trip to Disneyland and California Adventure was nothing short of amazing. But first, let me take you to the very beginning of the day.

So Best Friend (Dominic) and I were about fifteen minutes away from the resort when he says that we have to take a "quick pit stop" in Norwalk because he's setting me up on a "blind date". Initial reaction: WHAT?! Stress. Worry. Anxiety. But I thought it'd be pretty fun, if not amusing, so I went along with it. From there, we picked up his two friends from school -- Christian and Sylvie. Christian, as a Disney cast member, was able to get us pretty insane hookups the whole day including, but not limited to: free tickets for both parks, 20% discounts on food and merchandise as well as fast passes (read: he knew ride operators. fill in the blanks.) He was too kind, treating us to such an amazing, fun-filled day.

I forgot my camera, but Best Friend and Sylvie had theirs (including a fisheye disposable!) so I'll be waiting on those pictures.

Tower of Terror was our first attraction, which in my opinion, set the bar for the rest of the day. There was a point during a drop when Sylvie wasn't holding onto her backpack too well and it was floating in front of our faces, hahaha. The bellhop played his part so wonderfully, it was adorable; he proceeded to count us (monotonously, Twilight Zone style) after the elevator doors opened to make sure no one had "disappeared". I thoroughly enjoyed Soarin' Over California, the hang glider simulator. I thought it was brilliant how you caught a sniff of oranges as you flew over an orange grove. The breeze hits you at the right moment and you really feel as if you're gliding. Perfection. As a California Adventure first-timer, I must say they have some good things happening in this park, although (in my opinion) it doesn't parallel to Disneyland itself.

What can I say about Disneyland? It truly is the place where dreams come true. I haven't had a chance to visit in about ten years, so it was really nice to be able to feel like a kid again. Luckily, we were able to go on all of the major attractions. One of the most memorable moments occurred during Pirates of the Caribbean when everyone in our boat sang along to "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!". It was too cute. We all had ride preferences and I mentioned that as long as we went on Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blaster and Mad Tea Party, I'd be the happiest girl alive.

Me (with my Minnie Mouse ears!) and Christian. PWNED.

Night time, amazing colors and low shutter speeds made for some crazy cool pictures at the teacup ride. But, pictures are M.I.A. at the moment. I really can't wait til they send those over to me. Oh, another memorable moment: we got stuck on Space Mountain. We weren't in the middle of the ride, but we were already seated. Lights had to come on, ten minutes of waiting, yada yada. Still pretty amusing.

I wonder if you're curious about Christian? He's tall. Like, 6'1" tall. Plays bass in an indie band and was signed during his high school years, has a few tattoos, incredibly smart, such a gentleman. Quite possibly a catch? I guess we'll all have to find out. :] Using his stealthy, ninja-like ways, he got a hold of my phone and put his number in, haha.

Making new friends and spending quality time with Best Friend was pretty awesome. But my ABSOLUTE favorite part about yesterday was our Quest to Find Hidden Mickeys. Well, actually, it was more like, Christian pointing them out to us. During all the rides, he knew where a few of them were located and showed us. I swear, I was like a kid in a candy store, I was so giddy.

Such an amazing day and hopefully I'll get a chance to go again really soon.

Sleepless.

2009-04-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

Stars - Set Yourself on Fire.

My favorite song at the moment and it's practically been on repeat the whole night. Yes, the whole night. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep at all, which is probably the catalyst to a dreadful day. But I won't allow it, for I'm spending the day at Disneyland with my best friend -- the place where dreams come true. And dreams can't come true if you're in a crabby mood, right? Right.

Have an awesome day!

Summer.

2009-04-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

Well, now, isn't that lovely?

That was sarcasm, by the way. Southern California has officially gone from Winter to Summer. Just last week, we were enjoying beautiful 60-70° temperatures. What's the rush, Summer?

Blurb.

2009-04-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here's the latest page out of my illustrated journal. I'm having way too much fun with this.

My current obsession is Angel Taylor's "Chai Tea Latte". I am absolutely enamored with her voice! She'll be performing at the El Rey on June 5th and hopefully I'll be able to go.

On a more serious note, I went on a walk with a friend a few weeks ago and our topic of conversation still hasn't found its way out of my head. "What is your purpose in life?" He asked me that and I stammered through a bleak response. I honestly didn't have an answer for it. It's making me feel like such a failure in life, being this close to my twenties and still so unsure of what I'm destined to do. I'm in a rut. A definitive rut until I can get my cluttered mind relatively cleared up and on the right track. Hopefully sooner than later.

So that's life. In the meantime, go watch the new Harry Potter trailer. It'll blow your mind. CLICK.

Smile.

2009-04-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Just think happy thoughts and you'll fly. (via .bradi.)

Happy:
+ this gorgeous 70° degree weather, with blue skies and white, fluffy clouds.
+ finishing a page in my sketchbook and feeling content with the results.
+ a fully-charged iPod.
+ Crumbs cupcakes.
+ seeing "favorite" spelled with an "ou". "Bloody hell!" and Harry Potter marathons go along with this.
+ the oodles of Cute over at meomi.
+ the loft of my dreams.

Lesson.

2009-04-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, my internet's back! Sigh of relief, though it wasn't as bad as I would've thought. It allowed for time spent outdoors, as opposed to staring blankly at the computer, wasting life away.

So, I spent the majority of today with my sister. We had an argument, which resulted in her saying some very hurtful things to me -- all over a ridiculous order at Pinkberry, too. I ended up storming off to my favorite spot (the balcony at Barnes and Noble), leaving her alone to get her thoughts straightened out. She knew where to find me and it wasn't long before she pulled up a chair and sat next to me, still clearly angry but eager to get back to talking terms. All of a sudden, I heard a very frantic man scream, "DAD!". I turned around to see what the commotion was all about when I saw an elderly man (that guy's father) having a severe seizure. Everyone on the balcony moved out of the way and helped out with whatever they could. I dialed 9-1-1 and soon, the fire department along with E.M.T. were there. Throughout the whole ordeal, I was relatively calm and collected. It wasn't til afterward when I felt the severity of the whole situation. I looked into my sister's eyes and we just started bawling and apologizing for our stupidity. It's moments like these that you realize how precious life really is. It's a wake up call and it definitely puts things in perspective. Don't sweat the small stuff and don't make a big deal out of something so trivial as Pinkberry. Life's too precious and it could very easily be taken away in a split second.

Dear Lord, I hope he's okay.

:[

2009-04-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Internet's down. I'm updating via sidekick which is a bit difficult, so I'll keep this short and sweet.

I'm alive.

How's that for "short and sweet"? Ha. No, but really, I can't tell you how absolutely thrilled I was when I saw that snippet on m.writes. Thanks to the ones that were so kind as to follow me/leave a comment/visit. Just a word of advice: I'm not the most interesting person on the planet.

Oh! Embarrassing moment of the day (which actually happened yesterday): I was outside of the middle school where I coach drumline, waiting for the final bell to ring so I could make my way inside when I felt something FLY down my shirt. So there I am, frantically trying to find the creature and squealing and jumping all over the place, while a bunch of middle school kids looked on. Completely appalled. I must've looked so ridiculous trying to find that ladybug. See? This is yet another reason why I am such a goober.

Fidelity.

2009-04-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

Regina Spektor. Chipmunk. Happy.

m.writes.

2009-03-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

A friend directed me to m.writes a few weeks ago and I've been obsessed with it since then. Besides all of the artistic gems, recipes and cute anecdotes of her lovely family, she has also started the very inspirational Write Club. The premise? To get our creative juices flowing using her writing prompts. Ranging from guilty pleasures to describing the best sandwich you have ever had, her prompts give way to things you normally wouldn't consider writing about. It's pretty fun -- simply letting go and allowing the words to flow from Pen to Paper.

TheSkratchPadd has asked me to post my responses. I realize I'm falling far behind, considering the fact that I'm barely on Week 2 and Marta's already posted up Week 4's prompts. But hey, I'll catch up eventually! :]

Here are a few of my responses. My somewhat messy writing, coupled with the resizing's bad quality makes for terrible reading. I apologize for that.

Post-Its.

2009-03-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

I wrote out two post-its earlier and left them to their fate in public places.
I placed the first one on the mirror in the women's restroom of Barnes & Noble: "You're beautiful. Always, always remember that." Hopefully this one brightened up someone's day. The second one, I stuck to the door of some random business: "Forget regret."

All on a whim. It was liberating and fun = Happy Face.

Silver Xterras, Santa Monica Pier & Keys.

2009-03-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Ever since I visited my Uncle's internment location a few weeks ago, I've been seeing silver Nissan Xterras everywhere. Not just one or two, I'm taking upwards to 20 per day. This was the car my Uncle used to drive. I mean, either I'm just more observant towards this type of car now or Nissan's holding some kind of BOGO sale. Noticing cars to this multitude has got to be something short of insane. I told Dominic this and he said that it was my Uncle's way of trying to communicate -- a "thank you for visiting" kind of thing. I didn't know what to make of it.

Dominic and I weren't doing anything on Saturday night, so we decided to have an adventure. We thought of LAX because he knows about my looooove for international airports. It's the prime location for people-watching, after all. But we quickly crossed that off our list because the price for parking is ridiculous. We ended up at Santa Monica Pier. I remember being super excited as a kid whenever we went there. But like anything else growing up, you find that things you once loved and were excited for, lose their novelty. We still made the most of it though, spending the majority of our time in the arcade, playing those overpriced games. Then we walked around on the boardwalk itself. It's always scared me how the night sky and the ocean just kind of blend in together and that night wasn't any different. It's just creepy. I mean, could you imagine falling into the water?! But that's beside the point. We reached the end of the boardwalk and just talked as we stared at the ferris wheel and it was just... nice. A bit chilly, but nice.

And now, I'm realizing that spending the evening at the pier is just as costly, if not more, than having an LAX adventure. But it was still fun.

Yesterday was terrible. I locked myself out of the house. Second time in a week. And it was raining. And I forgot my wallet. I could go on and on about my no good, very bad day but that won't make for a very good story.

I underestimated Lady GaGa. She's an amazing musician. She seems kind of ~~drunk~~ crazy, but the good, artistic kind of crazy.

I'm falling off the face of the planet, by the way. Thought you should know, trusty Blogspot.

I...

2009-03-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

- finally am the owner of the perfect hardbound sketchbook. In it: my dreams, aspirations, doodles, failed song lyrics, as well as my responses to the writing prompts from m.writes. It's safe to say I'm obsessed with it.
- am absolutely smitten with this boy who marches to the beat of his own drum. This infatuation I thought I had gotten rid of, has unfortunately found its way back. It was inevitable though, due to the amount of time we've recently spent together. I love it. Love love love.
- am beginning to notice my inconsistency with following through on some things.
- hate this 90 degree weather. It's spring, for goodness sakes. Please be kind and go back to the lovely 60 degrees we had a mere two days ago.
- thoroughly enjoy impromptu jam sessions with the boys, especially the one we had yesterday at Brand Park.
- love lists.

Quick update.

Fruity Loops.

2009-03-10T22:42:00.001-07:00

I was bored and I downloaded the demo earlier today. It's a lot more fun than I expected.

It sucks, I know. Haha.

Like a Star.

2009-03-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since I've listened to Corinne Bailey Rae. Reminds me of that one night way back when, with the audience and the bright lights. Not to mention the nerves and the electricity in the air. Yeah, good times.

Inspiration.

2009-03-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

It's Time To Wake Up

I remember this one night when me and my friend Nathan drove around this wealthy neighborhood. It held a reputation for being a residential spot for celebrities and some of the wealthiest citizens of the city. It wasn’t actually night, it was about four in the morning. We drove through the neighborhood with our windows down. As we drove by gigantic lavish mansions my friend yelled out the window: “Wake the fuck up!” I remember his voice almost quivering because he shouted each word with force. When he said it, I thought about what he meant, and it seemed like he wasn’t just shouting at the people tucked in their beds, under million-dollar rooftops, wrapped in a blanket of money. No, he was shouting to everyone, including me–including himself. We are all sleeping in our own world, protected by an imaginary force-field of doubt. In dreams, the water is clearer; the food tastes better; and the weather is always just right. But we need to wake up. I need to wake up. Because the water is rising; the food tastes like chemicals; and the weather is slowly leaving our alliance.

---------------

Copied and pasted, verbatim from flipnautick's Xanga. His posts might be private... I'm not too sure. But if it is, that's a shame because his writing style is impeccable. It's raw and real and actually makes you think outside the box. I very rarely find it in me to comment his entries. But he has, without a doubt, been a source of inspiration since day one.

ADTR.

2009-03-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

I WILL NEVER FALTER, I'LL STAND MY GROUND.
You're fake, a worthless coward. You'll never be anything.

I hate you for lying to me all this time. But I hate myself even more for falling for it. All over again. What's that saying? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Yeah, that.

Oh, and could someone kindly explain how the heck it's March already?!

Stranger Danger.

2009-02-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

So this evening was pretty interesting. As I walked to the Alex Theatre from church (a mere 4 blocks), I was approached by a guy. Actually, it looked more like he was waiting for me to walk by. He looked to be about 23-24, dressed in stylish attire and he asked me where the Americana was located. Keep in mind that the street I was walking on was relatively dark and empty. Instant red flag.

"Um, a block that-a-way," I explained as I pointed in the right direction.

I kept walking and he joined me, much to my dismay. He explained that he was meeting up with a friend and proceeded to make small talk. I just shot him down with bleak responses.

"The Americana really put Glendale on the map, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So, where are you headed?"
"The Alex Theatre."
"Oh. I'll walk with you, if you don't mind. You live around here?"
"I.. uh, don't mind. And yeah, I sorta live in the area."

On and on until it somehow got to our ages and ethnicity. He asked if there were any good Filipino restaurants nearby and I pointed him to Max's of Manila. He asked if I'd like to join him sometime. I very politely turned him down -- "stranger danger" was loudly echoing in my head.

And he asked, "So how do you feel about dating older guys?"
"Uh, not interested, sorry."
"You seem really cool and we've got that Asian thing going!" He was half white/half Taiwanese. But that's totally beside the point.
Then he kept going about how this was the norm and that this was how people usually met nowadays.

Uh, what? Come again? It's normal for people to meet on dark streets and start dating?! What happened to meeting through mutual friends? Or cute & innocent study dates because you happen to be in the same class at school? Is this just me being naive? Too oblivious? Does this stuff seriously happen? I don't think so. It's creepy and my guard was definitely up. And I clutched my pepper spray with an insane death grip throughout our walk. I thought it was weird. And to make things even weirder, this was the 2nd time this week this has happened. Except that one was a little more to my tastes, a random 2 hour conversation with someone at Borders while I was waiting for a friend to get off work.

Anyway. Directionally challenged boy seemed kind of interesting -- he told me he used to play in the Youth Orchestra here and that he still plays double bass in a band. But his advances were just so... direct. And is that really the best place to meet women? A dark street? Hmm, cause that's the hotspot nowadays, right? Right. That's a CSI episode waiting to happen, thank you very much. All I'm saying is that guys shouldn't be such creepers.

Whatever. I just really needed to get that off my chest. My feet hurt from all that walking. Damn sandals.

Ventura.

2009-02-23T22:23:00.000-08:00

I seem to have lost my followers. Sad face. Not quite sure if it was due to a glitch or if they actually unfollowed me, in which case I'll have to ... meh, I don't care. My blogs are pointless to begin with! :) Though I'll admit I was kind of excited that Kelly Tenney was following me. Sad face, again.

Moving on.

I spent this past Saturday with a few friends in Ventura County for a little reunion slash makeshift birthday get-together. Daniel and Kristy were the brains of the operation, leaving Sheila and I in the dark. I was only told to bring a sweater and to keep a lookout for imminent danger. Their words, not mine and it couldn't have been any truer.

So we were walking on railroad tracks along the coast to find the secret location. And because of our engrossing conversation, we weren't really paying too much attention to our surroundings. If a train were to pass by, we were sure we would've heard the loud "choo choo" warning us of "imminent danger". Dun dun duuuun. But no. It wasn't like that at all. We heard a mysterious and earpiercing metallic sound but we didn't think much of it. Kristy, bless her heart, turned around and screamed at us to get out of the way because the train was coming. So we jumped out of the way, with maybe 10 seconds to spare before the train passed. Stupid conductor couldn't even warn us.

The rest of the day wasn't as dangerous, thank goodness. It was pretty relaxing -- a picnic on the cliffs at Carpinteria Bluffs, walking along the shore, picking out really colorful shells, etc. I have the most random adventures with these people and it really sucks that we barely get to see each other because of our school schedules. But we'll plan out these trips every couple of months to catch up and rebuild friendships and it's just a good time. We've turned the summer bonfire into a yearly tradition -- one I hope will last us all for years to come. I love them and I'm blessed to have them in my life.

Click.

Auditioning.

2009-02-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

Continued from the last entry.

Throughout high school, all I ever dreamed about (that is, concerning music) was to march with the Blue Devils. To be on the field at DCI championships, with the bright lights shining down and performing the show of a lifetime.

But that's never going to happen. EVER.

For one, you can't march when you're over 21. I'm still 19. But if you ever want to make it into BD, you have to start young. There's even a C Corp for little 5 year olds.

But anyway, the main reason why it's never going to happen is because I'm deathly afraid of auditioning.

Senior year, I auditioned for the Honor Band in Pasadena to march in the Rose Parade. I walked into that room with the judge, all decked out in my concert attire, baritone in hand. I thought I knew what I was doing. Really, I did. I mean, I rehearsed like nobody's business. But when he put the music on the stand in front of me, I completely froze. I forgot how to play and nothing at that moment made sense. I freaked out. The music was pretty simple enough -- just a few sixteen note runs. I tried. Failed. Started over. But I couldn't do it. I felt my face turn bright red and I walked out of that room with my head lowered in shame.

Now, if I can't even audition properly for something like that, how the heck am I supposed to face my fears and perform in front of Scott Johnson and all the Blue Devil greats? I can't. Plain and simple. But I am living vicariously through some other music buddies of mine. The friend/captain that I mentioned in the last post is going to audition this December and I really hope he makes it. After all, he's got the talent and the drive (and the connections) to get in.

I know I'd be able to make it into a lower division and all, but naaah. My days are over. I'm never going to audition. I've accepted that. But that won't stop me from going to the shows with my friends and cheering for my favorite corps.

Updates.

2009-02-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

I just recently discovered the electropop magic that is HeyHiHello!

Weeeell, let me backtrack. Some pretty amazing opportunities have recently found their way to little old me.

1. A good, good producer friend of mine has asked me to write a song or two for his lovely songbird. At first, I was a bit wary because I know my writing skills aren't up to par. But he's reassured me to some degree and it got me to change my mind.
2. He's also allowing me to do A&R work for him and his company, which is beyond amazing. I've wanted to do this for years now and I'm finally getting the chance. So far so good. Hopefully? I've introduced him to my incredibly talented friend, Jackie Harms. I saw her just last week and she played her guitar and sang for me. Her performances mesmerize me. Every single time. He sees her potential. And I'm just hoping it all works out for the best.
3. Since he has oh so much faith in my *crappy* writing, he's introduced me to Shooting Stars Mag editor Lauren, who wanted me to join the staff. So, voila! Mainly, she wants me to do music-related interviews... which is where HeyHiHello! comes in. Well, I'm putting that off. I'm putting off even ASKING him if I could have the honors of interviewing him. Cause I'm a N00b. And I'm shy. And I'm insanely @#$%^& about stuff like that. So, I'll give it a few weeks until I know what I'm actually doing before I jump the gun.

What else, what else.
Oh. My drumline captain from high school has been helping out at the local middle school and he's asked me to assist him! I love it. Although they're only in the beginning stages, I can already see where they might end up in a few years IF they choose to stay motivated and practice. They're precious in that pinch-their-cheeks, tousle-their-hair kinda way. Haha, one of the kids asked me (in the cutest, most cautious whisper), "Are you his giiiiiiiirlfriend?" the first day.

It's been fun. And as a side project, I'm working on this -- the Spida Toss from the Blue Devils' 2004 show "The Summertrain Blues Mix". My favorite year!

Scott Johnson is my HERO.

Always and forever a Blue Devils fan.
I'm a geek when it comes to DCI. No shame :)

Bible Study & Music.

2009-02-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

It's Friday the 13th today, but honestly, it's probably one of the most relaxing days I've had in a while. Mix ~~tapes~~ CD's combined with the light pitter-patter of the rain and my green tea makes for an awesome and relaxing afternoon. I thought I'd write because... well, I've got nothing better to do. Bear with me, this might be long. And boring.

I'm kind of ashamed to voice this, but I've been neglecting bible study recently. I've tried, but things haven't really changed much since my CPK & Religion blog a few months ago. I'm still going to Holy Family -- my home parish -- that's never going to change. But I really wanted to give Christianity a shot, along with PYROS and WIN-LA in general. I still feel incredibly awkward whenever I'm with them. I know it's a relationship, a two way street, and that I shouldn't rely on them to make me feel comfortable. I know I have to reach out and make an effort too. I know that. But it's difficult when I'm the newcomer and they have such a tight-knit friendship. I actually sent in a PostSecret email a few weeks ago to some guy out in Kansas and I told him my situation with feeling left out in the church setting and he replied by saying that God is the one you should go to church for. Build up your relationship with Him. Don't put faith in people because they're just going to let you down in the long run, whereas God is forever faithful. He's right. I know he is. But it still wouldn't hurt to feel comfortable.

Whatever. Hopefully circumstances change and I can go to Soul Anchor this summer without my insecurities getting in the way. I've heard nothing but good things about their camp, and I know that it might just be the catalyst to a new found friendship with Him.

2 Chronicles 20:17
“Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.”

Moving onto music :)
Feel free to skip to the next paragraph. It's somewhat insightful whereas this is complete nonsense.
I'm currently listening to a mix CD I made from junior year. It's perfect rainy day music, in my opinion: Mae, The Postal Service, Johnathan Rice, Iron & Wine, Death Cab for Cutie, Elisa, This Providence. But anyway, "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service just came on and almost instantaneously, this memory popped into my head: I was out on a night drive with my good friend (incidentally, the one I got suspended -- number 14 of the last post) and we were listening to this CD. Well, this CD was ALL we ever listened to. He practically kidnapped it from me one day and left it in his car for the duration of that year. It was the soundtrack for all our outings: picking me up for school in the mornings, Starbucks adventures, long drives to Santa Clarita Valley for his work, everything. Back to my memory. So he was driving and he started to tell me about his really good friend from the fire academy, Anthony Bettencourt, and how he thought it'd be wise to set us up. I burst out in laughter. I'm not really good with situations like that. He knew that too! So he continued to tell me about him, his hobbies, workmanship, etc. and I was starting to get intrigued. He showed me pictures of him on his phone and boy, was he good looking! Then, he scrolled through his phone book and pushed CALL once he reached his name -- he thought it was that good of an idea. I thought he was kidding until I heard the muffled rings. He picked up and they made plans. Apparently, my friend already told Anthony about me and he was looking forward to meeting me. So, the 16-year-old me was sitting in the passenger seat, absolutely freaking out. All the while, my so-called friend was sitting next to me, completely amused at what he had done and poking fun at me for overreacting. Long story short, I probably listened to the beginning of "Such Great Heights" a bazillion times before we pulled into the parking lot of the Burbank Empire Center. It was the shortest 10 minute ride of my life! Despite the fact that Anthony was extremely polite, the "date" (if you could even call it that...) was pretty much a disaster. But that's a story for another time. Quite possibly never. But anyway, that's what I connect this song to.

Isn't it kind of amazing what listening to a song can do? Music has the power to elicit all these responses and memories whether or not we want it to. And the emergence of mp3 players and iPods, or in this case a CD, just makes these memories all the more accessible. I mean, that memory most likely wouldn't be on my mind right now if I never took out this CD and played that particular song. Sigh. Yet another reason why I love music.

Peace out, girl scout.

25.

2009-02-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

25 things you never would think to know about me. I got tagged on Facebook and I thought I'd post it on here to compensate for the lack of updates? I'm not really sure. Anyway.

1. An ideal afternoon by myself consists of a book and a beverage, iced coffee with white mocha preferably. I loooove reading and recommendations are always welcome!
2. I'm pretty sure I'll live in Maryland when I'm older.
3. You know when someone's sick and their voice is nasally when they talk? I actually like that haha.
4. I like the sound of drumsticks hitting each other, whether it be keeping tempo or just a random stick click.
5. In addition to 4, I LOVE DR. BEAT. I don't understand why people hate it! One and two and three and four and! :)
6. I envy/am inspired by artsy fartsy people. See: Red Velvet Art, Etsy, Charm City Cakes, the Tumblr and Vimeo communities. The list goes on.
7. I don't think I'll ever get bored of California sunsets. There are way too many memories attached and they are just breathtakingly beautiful.
8. I will own a 1956 Chevy Bel Air one day. Actually, I found out pretty recently that we had one in the family, but it was traded in -- for a Camaro. SERIOUSLY?! Also, I'll squeal like crazy if I see one on the street. Or any other classic car for that matter.
9. I've had the same cell phone number since 8th grade! And I plan to keep it that way for a long time :]
10. There's no way I can go to sleep if my feet are cold. That means layer after layer of socks, if necessary.
11. I have .00000001 of a tattoo on my left wrist. I went with a friend when she got her tattoo and I wanted to see what it felt like. The guy sterilized everything, so that one dot would've been $50.
12. I'll constantly skip from song to song on my iTunes, but I very rarely do that with my iPod simply because I don't want the battery to die. Did you know that the 30gb can only handle about 300-500 charge cycles? Yeah.
13. I can't swim.
14. I got someone suspended in high school. It's part of his record now and he told me that he's had to explain it numerous times when he was applying for jobs and I feel kind of bad about it. I mean, he deserved it and all, but I wasn't going to tell. I had a few adults tell me that I should turn him in and I caved.
15. I run away from my problems and I've had people call me out on this quite a few times.
16. I hate it when my bangs part.
17. I'm pretty paranoid. If someone I don't know too well posts an ambiguous angry Xanga entry/MySpace bulletin/Facebook status right after I do, I'll think it's about me. I'm getting better with this though.
18. I never ditched class in high school. EVER. Unless you count rallies when it was mandatory to skip a few classes for practice. But I don't think that counts because I had permission. College just made it easy.
19. English > Math any day.
20. I'm really weird with letting people into my life.
21. I would love to be a record label A&R. I'm already kinda sorta getting a headstart on this and I'm more than excited.
22. I hate, hate, hate needles. Being awakened at 6am everyday for a month and a half in the hospital will do that to a person.
23. Monster Energy. Green please? I've never tried any of the other colors.
24. My favorite scene in Garden State is towards the end -- after running around town and following Mark the whole day and Largeman starts yelling at him.

Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!
Sam: I'm not innocent.
Largeman: Yes, you are. That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other or whatever else is down there!
Mark: Man, that's the most worked up I've ever seen you.
Sam (with the biggest smile on her face): He's protecting me.
Largeman (bitter): So?
Sam (cutesy): He liiiiikes me.
Largeman: Don't be cute.
Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.
Largeman: Don't talk about knights around Mark. It's a sore subject.
Mark: I'm gonna kill that mother******!
Largeman: Pun intended?

ULTIMATE HAPPY FACE!
25. Last but definitely not least, I'm on the brink of something amazing.

Dear San Pedro,

2009-02-06T23:20:00.001-08:00

Please stop lying cause it breaks my heart. I'm asking nicely.

Love, Glendale.

Lie To Me.

2009-01-30T23:48:00.001-08:00

I love that they poke fun at politicians and celebrities.

For example:
She stopped using contractions and she started referring to her as "that woman".
As in... "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky"?

BRILLIANT.
A mix of CSI and Medium (both are based on real life people), this Fox series has very quickly found a spot at the top of my favorites list.
Tune in Wednesdays at 9pm.

Pocketful of Stars.

2009-01-30T04:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a loser. Here's a really, really quick update of what I've been doing for the past hour and a half:

Orisinal: Pocketful of Stars

DSLR.

2009-01-29T00:00:00.001-08:00

It's a shame that Circuit City's bankrupt and they have to resort to liquidation sales. And it sucks for the thousands of employees that are going to be jobless at the end of it.

But it doesn't completely suck for consumers like me :) The cute little starter DSLR I've been eyeing for a while is down $100 from it's original price. I'm trying to push it as far as I can until March & hoping the price will fall even further.

Bahaha.

Casey.

2009-01-27T12:41:00.000-08:00

Caseface: n. the BEST first best friend a girl could ever ask for.

I don't remember how old we were. We might've been 12 or 13, I can't quite remember. That's a shame because if asked what defined him, I'd choose this memory.

I was having, seemingly, the worst day of my adolescent life. Around 4pm, he called and instructed me to open the front door in 5 seconds. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. And there he was with the cutest smile on his face, his arms extended to me and a cupcake sitting in the palms of his hands. I will never forget that.

I dreamt about him this morning and woke up in tears. You know those dreams that feel like they've been happening all night? Yeah, one of those. Actually, it wasn't even about him. It was about his mom. I can't remember much, but I just remember talking to her about him.

I remember one New Years Eve when we kept each other up talking over the phone just so we'd be the first ones we talked to in the new year.
I remember in 4th grade when he was having a conversation with a few of our friends and I SO desperately wanted to know what they were talking about. But all he kept saying was "Nah, it's nothing" and I kept pushing it until he yelled out "I LIKE YOU, OKAY?!" loud enough for the whole room to stop whatever they were doing. I remember turning around in my seat, my face burning up.
I remember him telling me that he'd kiss me for 15 seconds when I turned 15 haha.
I remember when he'd sing the Fruits Basket theme for me.
Last I saw him, he dropped off Napoleon Dynamite when I was at the hospital, only to pick it up a few days later. That's my last good memory of him.

I wonder where he is right now. Last I heard, he had left home and moved out to Colorado for God knows what reason. That was over a year ago though. I don't know, I just hope he's okay. I don't even know what caused our falling out. It might've been when he moved out to Simi Valley during our freshman year. A phone call a day turned into once a week into once a month until I couldn't even remember what his voice sounded like. It's been about 6 years since I've had a proper conversation with him and I want him so much to still be a part of my life.

I know I shouldn't though. Over the years, I've tried getting in touch with him -- all to no avail. He never once reciprocated my attempts and I resented him for that. As sad as it seems, I'm still not giving up on this friendship. I know that if our friendship's still meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other. We've just gotta.

BTBAM.

2009-01-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

It's crazy how determined I am to learn this song.
0:19 down.

Where's Fluffy?

2009-01-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

Click:
[Copyright laws prevented me from posting the whole song.]

I didn't bother to get the textbook for my Java class and considering the fact that I have a midterm this afternoon, I'm pretty much screwed. Thus, prompting a book/movie review for Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and killing more of my precious time :]

I finally got around to watching it last night. I had high expectations because I loved the book dearly but in my opinion, the movie fell short. While I enjoyed the soundtrack, especially Nick and Norah's Theme by Mark Mothersbaugh (Rugrats, ftw!), I didn't like the switch ups. I know it's unrealistic for a movie version to be exactly like the book, but c'mon. David Levithan and Rachel Cohn were geniuses and the movie producers should've tried a bit harder to portray the characters of Nick and Norah the way the authors did.

Differences:
In the book, Nick asks Norah to be his girlfriend to make his ex girlfriend jealous.
In the movie, Norah's the one that asks him to be her boyfriend to prove a point.
In the book, they make their way to a hotel in NY and are caught by an old couple and the woman winks at Norah.
In the movie, they went to Norah's dad's studio. And what the heck was up with the tape recorder?!

There are so many more differences, but like I said, it's unrealistic for a movie to be 100% true to the book.

One praise I have for the movie though, is the fact that they didn't leave out the Beatles' "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" part. That was the one part in the book that I absolutely loved. I mean, they could've conveyed it better, but I guess I'll take it.

‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand.’ First single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That’s what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have a feeling that they can’t hide.

Although I prefer the book, overall, I enjoyed the movie. It was cute and had a way of tugging on the heartstrings. At least it did for me :)

And now, I know I'm gonna have to re-read it once I'm finished with Paper Towns (which I'm loving so far, by the way!)

Starbursts & Paper Towns.

2009-01-20T20:09:00.001-08:00

I prefer pink and orange over yellow and red.
& I finally got Paper Towns today. I'm excited to start!

seeing him today caught me off guard.
i freaked and unintentionally walked the wrong way to class.
go me.

Cupcakes.

2009-01-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

The set of 12 mini cupcakes, each decorated to look like an iPhone application, is created by Nick and Danielle Bilton who won The Cupcake Decorating Championship at last night’s Ignite NYC II.

Nom nom nom.

The Brotherhood, 2.0.

2009-01-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

I'm a goober.

Yesterday, I went to the library in search of John Green's Paper Towns. When I'm by my lonesome, I normally listen to music and yesterday wasn't any different. So I'm browsing and walking through the different sections, completely unaware of everything but my music when I notice that everyone's staring at me. In my head, I'm thinking, "What? It's totally normal to be listening to music" and I continued on my merry way. Every copy of Paper Towns was already checked out, which was a bummer, and I eventually settled with Looking for Alaska. I checked it out and walked outside. I proceeded to check the time on my cell phone when I noticed 2 missed calls. Two missed calls and my phone was on the loudest setting possible. How embarrassing! That's why everyone was staring at me. Siiiiiigh, I fail at life.

What surprised me most was that every copy of Paper Towns was already checked out. Hmm, I didn't realize they had such a Nerdfighter following in Glendale. But I guess I'm just underestimating the awesomeness that is Hank and John Green. :)

Anyway, that's my dee-dee-dee moment of the week.

Legend.

2009-01-13T14:02:00.001-08:00

E. dedicated this to me yesterday. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the guy.

Chiptune.

2009-01-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

Why haven't I heard of this before?! I mean, I've obviously heard the music, but I had NO idea people actually used their Gameboys like this!

Ha. I'm tempted to try it, but knowing me, I'll end up breaking the poor thing.

Anyway, plans failed yesterday. The only thing that worked out was Bible study, which ended at 2:30am because we got caught up in a riveting game of Clue. And Taboo. Then Clue again. It was intense!

Oh, and I'm starting to feel suffocated by this JP character. Text, text, text. Call. Voicemail. Text. Even when I don't. FREAKING. respond.

:|

Sigh.

2009-01-09T00:14:00.001-08:00

I should get out of the mindset that my classes are going to be easy A's. Java programming is a lot harder than I thought it would be =/ It's funny though because I've been using my Xanga to write Java notes during lecture. Of course, I put those posts on private, but it's kind of amusing to see all this mumbo jumbo when I sign in.

Anyway, tgif! Oh, and I think I've found my favorite blogger (thus far).
I've seen his posts on Fight Club.

Chuck Palahniuk is my favorite author.

Harry Potter.

I hate Twilight; Harry Potter, ftw!

Awesome photography.

It's inspiring.

Crazy cool music.

I love getting introduced to new music.

Vimeo.

Vimeo does NOT need explaining.

♥.
Plans for the day:

play catchup with Gossip Girl, The City & Grey's Anatomy.
hopefully go for an early morning run on Adams Hill & surrounding areas.
a play date with the ones from the previous post.
a youth night Bible study to end a (God-willing) perfect day.

SCRATCH THAT.
Favorite blogger: Tropicostation. I probably live like 5 minutes from this guy because he said he lives ridiculously close to Albertsons, Vons and Ranch Market. Yay, I sound like a creeper. I don't mean to! I'm just excited to read some stuff about Glendale. Ha.

Lastly, I can't believe I found this cover of Sigur Rós' "Hoppipolla" by We Are Scientists. The original song is a lot more instrumental, making it intense & epiccccccc, but I'm pretty pleased with this.

Good night, moon.

Unexpected.

2009-01-08T01:31:00.001-08:00

Clicky:

I'm learning to go with the flow. Wherever life takes me, I'm sure to follow. That is living life to the fullest, I think. It's where the best and most unexpected adventures lie. And if you know me, I am definitely one for random adventures.

On Tuesday, as I was sitting across Christina at Barnes & Noble chitchatting about life, I noticed this guy just blatantly staring over at us. I didn't think much of it and soon after, he left with his friends. We left a few minutes after them. Hours passed and we randomly ran into them inside the Galleria and he introduced himself to me. Randomly. (and quite awkwardly, might I add).

Him: /extends hand for a handshake.
Him: Hey, uh... I'm JP.
Me: JP?! Holy ---- I KNOW YOU! You tried coming in between my friend and his girlfriend about 3 years ago! >:[
/dot dot dot.

Everything came back in an instant. I remembered how much I HATED this guy. Every time I ran into him, I'd curse at him. That was 3 years ago though. He's definitely changed, and for the better. He told me that he's signing up for the Navy and he pretty much has life figured out. In that 5 minute conversation, I went through about a million feelings:

[giggles like a schoolgirl. he's cute. this is an awkward conversation. omg, i remember him. i hate him. why's he still talking to me? i wanna get out of here. christina! dammit, why'd she walk away? rescue me, please. ohmygosh the Navy? wow, i'm proud of this guy. he's got life figured out. a complete turnaround from all the negative things i've heard about him from the past. hmm.]

That turned into lunch at In-N-Out with him, his friends and Christina. Cue me going to class from 6-9pm. JP, his best friend Stefan and our mutual friend Hiline picked me up from class and we headed over to Jewel City to shoot some pool. Besides figuring out how damn small Glendale actually is (we had an insane amount of mutual friends), I learned a lot about those three.

Let's start with Stefan. He got mad at me when I accidentally called him Steven and when I spelled his name with a "phe" in lieu of an "fa". (Stephen vs. Stefan). Anyway! He made me realize what a VERY sheltered life I live. He comes from a sheltered background himself -- being adopted into a family with two parents with PhDs (one graduated from Harvard) and being enrolled in military school all his life. *Insert weird chain of events here* and his stepmom proceeded to kick him out of the house. Since then (it's been about a year or so), he's been living on his own. As a direct result from his pent up feelings of anger, he became friends with a few... questionable groups of people. He has experienced some pretty crazy things because of them. As of right now, his life's in danger and it's not going to go away anytime soon. He's had a few close friends pass away because of the things they're involved in. Sorry for being vague, but I'd rather not get into detail. This conversation with him completely changed the way I thought about life because I HONESTLY thought stuff like this only happened in movies. I guess I'm just naïve. Despite all the harsh realities he has to face, he's always smiling and goes on as if nothing's wrong. He's down-to-earth, hilarious and very welcoming. And due to his impeccable taste in fashion, this Taiwanese boy has quickly become my quote, unquote gay best friend. Ha.

Moving onto JP. Can I start out by saying that I'm blown away by everything he can and wants to do? The boy speaks 5 languages FLUENTLY: English, Tagalog, Spanish, Japanese and Thai. There's more, but either he's learning or only knows a few key phrases. He's a Muay Thai fighter, wants to fly planes for the Navy/become a Navy Seal, is an amazing artist, (pretty cute & built :D), runs at least 5 miles a day, does Kendo and a bunch of other martial arts, etc. He's a bit awkward at times, but that's so petty in comparison to everything else. His past is pretty crazy also seeing as how he comes from a broken family. His mother would constantly do drugs and bring home random men that would beat her relentlessly. JP would stick up for his mom by getting in fights with these men. One night, she kicked him out of the house -- she chose her abusive then-boyfriend over her own flesh and blood. That was this past September. Since then, he's been living on his own also.

Which brings us to the lovely Hiline. Her family's pretty privileged. They live in a 5 bedroom house in the hills and they've been kind enough to house Stefan and JP, along with a few others who come from broken homes. See. Now, this is the kind of thing that gives me hope in humanity. I think it's amazing how Hiline's mom would take them in as if they were her own kids and give them a nice place to stay, a roof over their heads and hot meals to keep them going. I don't think I've seen such humility before. It's really awesome to see.

This brings me to how tight-knit their friendship is -- Stefan, JP, the other guys in the house and a few others. They hold themselves accountable for each other and help one another grow into better people. Wow, the things they've done for each other are nothing short of amazing. Stefan mentioned being a sacrificial lamb -- always making sure everyone else is in a happy state of mind, even if it means not being happy himself. I don't know. Maybe I just don't get out enough. Maybe I'm just not exposed to this kind of friendship, but I was speechless throughout our entire conversation.

I spent all day today (Wednesday) with them once again. Tons of laughs, more storytelling and getting to know one another, and definitely making memories to last a lifetime. I talked to Stefan and said, "I have NO clue what I'm getting myself into with you guys." He told me that if I was patient enough to stick around, I'd have friends that would always have my back.

Haha, re-reading this post makes the whole situation sound really shady. But I assure you, they're genuine. It's something that can't be explained through paper or a stupid blog. I guess you have to experience it for yourself. Hear their stories. Feel how comfortable you feel after a mere half hour with them. See their commitment towards each other before you judge me and my actions in wanting to hang out with a bunch of "strangers".

♥ We had a late dinner at Izakaya Honda Ya in Little Tokyo around 10 pm tonight. Before drinking our final cups of green tea, Stefan made a toast: "Here's to new beginnings and better endings". I've been hearing that phrase thrown around a lot recently -- new beginnings. Heck, here's to awesome new friends and starting the year with a bang.

Again, I commend you if you read all of this. Andrew. Haha :)

The Ditty Bops.

2009-01-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

Why can't I fall in love with you? It must be because of the seasons. ♥

09, day one recap.

2009-01-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

I rang in the new year with the family and spent all afternoon with a few crazy buds from high school. While it's been difficult trying to keep our friendship alive, our efforts haven't gone to waste. Every minute spent together is fun-filled. I'd hate to jinx it and I know it's unrealistic to believe in "forever", but I truly hope this friendship is one that'll last. I want these people to be in my freakin' wedding for goodness sakes! Years and years from now, of course :].

2008's taken me for a pretty wild ride:

4.0 GPA for both spring semester and summer session.
Ingledue, Skorka, Calixto, Gill, Yim.
Losing AND gaining friendships.
Finding Word International, Los Angeles.
Shows, shows, and more shows makes for a very broke teen.
Adventures with those oh so crazy bandies.

The list goes on and on... Time flies and I feel overwhelmed thinking about all that's happened in 2008: the highs and the lows, the joy and the pain, the successes and the failures. But I'll take it all as a learning experience and move on. It doesn't really help to dwell on the past.

Some resolutions for 09:
1. Grow spiritually in my walk with God.
2. Read and write more. I have a list of books I want to read. No excuses, I know I have to build up my vocabulary.
3. Procrastinate less. Sigh, I say this every single year. =/
4. Make more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends.
5. Lose weight. Again, I say this with every passing year, but I mean it this time around. I've gained so much weight since college started, it's not even funny. This goes hand in hand with eating right & raising my self-esteem.
6. Improve on guitar and bass. Practice makes perfect!

New Years Eve 07.

2009-01-01T23:56:00.001-08:00

No, that's not a typo. I mean when I say 2007.

Play while reading:

My dearest Enna Bleu,

I couldn't think of a way to top a record player. I sat and sat just wondering how to materialize a friendship. It's amazing how much harder it becomes the closer we get. Can you imagine next year? I don't even wanna think about it. So how did I figure out what to get you? I thought about when I was in elementary school and the "best friend" necklaces we had. Most of the time they were 2 halves of a heart -- a broken heart. I never believed that a best friend completes your "heart", but they rather leave a permanent imprint. I found the switch -- the lightbulb went off. I had to leave my imprint on your heart...

Betty Lou.

---------------------------------------------------

I found this letter this morning when I was going through my room. Initially, I wanted to dispose of it without reading it, but something made me change my mind. Jessica gave this to me exactly one year ago when we exchanged our late Christmas presents. Come to think of it, I always seem to exchange presents with friends on New Years (or NY Eve) haha.

It was the perfect day. It was snowing up in Angeles Crest, we dined at our favorite restaurant in Newcombs and we were in the presence of wonderful friends. We exchanged presents in the ever-so-freezing parking lot. Upon handing over this card, she proceeded to give me a box in a box in a box -- something she knew I absolutely LOVED. The teensiest one happened to be the little blue box. You know.

I squealed pretty much like any other girl would. Inside was the sweetest heart pendant with a smaller heart and an engraving of her favorite lyric from Against Me! -- "no one is lonely in a dream." It meant the world to me. Not because of its monetary value, but because of the sentiments behind it. It symbolized our friendship to the tee. The little heart was for my heart surgery when I was 15 years old. We pretty much met because of it. We had numerous friends in common, but oddly, we never met. We ended up connecting because of my Xanga entries from the hospital during the whole ordeal -- that was the start of our friendship. And obviously, the Against Me! lyric was because of our shared love of such an awesome band (I began to like them because of her). So, that gift was pretty damn special.

A mere six months later and our friendship practically disappeared into thin air. It was mutual, but that didn't make the hurt any less painful. Normally, I deal with pain and disappointment by completely cutting everything connected to that person/event/etc from my life. And this was no exception. Deleted numbers, myspaces, facebooks. Stashed things into boxes. (I, apparently, don't have the heart to throw memorable things away.) And I ingrained bad memories of her in my mind so that I'd somehow make myself believe that it wasn't a loss to me.

I guess that was why this letter meant a lot to me when I re-read it for the first time this morning.

I realized that our best friendship was pretty awesome. We had our share of tears and angry moments -- just like any other friendship would. But we had some crazy cool memories. She introduced me to some awesome music. (That's something I hold dear to me -- if you introduce me to something new & I end up loving it, no matter what it is.) We had an immense amount of inside jokes that would make anyone in our presence cringe because of how awkward it'd make them feel. We'd talk for hours on end about anything and everything. We planned random trips for the future. We joked about being crazy old ladies in wheelchairs, chasing each other in the retirement home... even as far as planning an actual B&E at DCI Championships in said wheelchairs ;] Gotta love Dane Cook.

I miss the laughs we used to share but things change. Situations change. People change. It's cliche, but change is the only constant. I don't regret letting that friendship go at all. After all, you lose some, you gain some, right? While I definitely wouldn't pursue a friendship again, I have no negative feelings towards her at all. I sincerely wish her the very best in life. I hope that one day, she'll find true happiness with whatever she sets out to do, which won't be a problem for her at all -- she's smart and motivated and goes after what she wants.

Well, it's been nice reminiscing. And hahaha, I commend you if you actually read all of this.

We frequented Starbucks quite often.

We're our own ~~brat~~ kat pack - M, P, J & S.

The Hat & Guitar Center.

2008-12-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

The Hat -- The boys and I had another artery-clogging, heart-attack-causing adventure yesterday. We ordered our usual: chili cheese fries topped with pastrami and onions, a bag of onion rings and some horchata. Mmmmm, we're fatties. Haha, we have an excuse though! We're 19 and this is the time when our metabolism's the fastest. Might as well live it up ;]

I tried searching for pictures online but none really do it justice.

And people wonder why obesity is such a problem in the United States -___-.

We always joke about that little cardboard tray because it doesn't really serve a purpose. Dig deep enough into the chili cheese fries and you'll find another one. Again, no purpose.

The night ended with something a bit more to my tastes: a random jam session in Guitar Center. We got a room in the acoustic section and just played around for about three hours. They ended up teaching me a few Paramore songs and this song Ben's been working on. I was ecstatic, to say the very least. I love times like this. It allows for chumminess and inside jokes with people I very rarely get to see. AND it allows for me to better my n00b-like guitar skills.

They had the nicest Takamine acoustic guitars!

I'd love an electric bass too. I'll get one one day, just watch. And I'll perfect it.
But maybe that's just wishful thinking :)

HAPPY '09 EVERYONE!

Random.

2008-12-27T21:00:00.001-08:00

If you read something someone's written (a yearbook entry, a letter, etc.), do you hear their voice in your head as you read it? Or do you just hear your own?

I had this conversation with Kristy a while back and I've never given it much thought until now. I was on Google Reader, reading through the blogs I'm following and I stumbled on AmazingPhil's Blogspot. I've seen a few of his YouTube videos and I'm in love with his accent. But anyway, I heard his voice as I was reading his blog - accent and all - in my head. Weird.

*shrug* I don't know. I thought I'd share.

------------------

Shhh.

2008-12-26T01:17:00.000-08:00

Secret: I find myself constantly wanting to write on public surfaces.

Nothing complex, but hopefully something that'll make people think, even for just that one second.

Somebody somewhere loves you.
I can see right through your lies.

I'm not sure. It depends on my mood. But something like that. I think this would be an awesome way to step outside of the box. Who knows, maybe I'll get over my fear & actually do it one of these days.

Change.

2008-12-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

DON'T GO THERE.
You don't have the right to speak to me after everything that happened this past summer.

I deleted your number with the intentions of never talking to you again. I didn't want to risk scrolling through my cell phone, seeing your number and getting swept away by the flood of crazy memories. I also took the precaution of deleting your number from my address book so there was absolutely no way I'd be able to contact you. After all, you were pretty much dead to me.

All of this... and I honestly never thought about what would happen if YOU ever tried contacting ME.

Weeeell, you did. And initially, I had no idea who you were. Your hint: "this is someone you haven't talked to in a while, and this wasn't the first time either". You were the first person that came to mind and I started shaking -- out of anger or confusion, I don't know. I was hesitant at first, but we kept texting and you suggested that we hang out -- a suggestion that I never saw coming and thus, didn't get a response from me until a few hours later. I didn't want to. My head was screaming "NO!" but I eventually gave in. I'm stupid.

-----------------

So he and I hung out last Friday. We went back to our spot, overlooking the city. The view hasn't changed. He definitely hasn't changed. But I have and that's all that matters. I'm proud of myself. That's a bridge burned that I absolutely do not regret.

CPK & religion.

2008-12-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful lunch with Joanna and Kelsea today. I mentioned my feelings and doubts about the whole religion thing, which was received with heartfelt advice, saying that what I was experiencing was normal. Joanna mentioned that she saw me SPRINTING at the very start of my walk with God. I went into it full-throttle and eventually started feeling its effects. She carefully explained that that's what it is -- a walk. Not a sprint. Not a 100 meter dash. A walk. And I definitely needed to slow down and take a breather. Kelsea stepped in with advice and said that she thought it was a wise decision on my part to take that 3 week break from it all -- to straighten my thoughts out.

I very rarely talk about my insecurities and paranoia when it comes to new people, but I felt it necessary to do so during lunch today. I said that I'd rather not waste valuable time, giving someone my all, only to have them leave me in the dust in the end. That was how I was feeling with PYROS, the church youth group.

What's that KanYe lyric?
"God show me the way because the devil's trying to break me down."

Yeah, that. These people have never given me a reason for me to show such mistrust. They've been nothing but nice to me. While the group gets somewhat clique-y at times, I'm reminded that they're only human and there's only so much they can do. Anyway. My paranoia stems from previous friendships that have failed me. I gave them something I valued -- my trust. For what? Only to have them leave me. This paranoia has now found its way to my newfound friendships. The devil knows my weakness and he's definitely using it to his advantage. At least I recognize his attempts, right?

Towards the end of lunch, I mentioned that I never once opened my Bible during those three weeks. Joanna said it was okay but that God missed me.

God missed me? God missed me.

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks and I started bawling. What was I thinking trying to run away? God loves me and He only wants the best for me. He sacrificed His one and only Son for me. I deserve wrath from Him. Instead, I receive the most intense love possible. Now that is amazing. I was convicted with those three simple words & I vowed to myself to just keep on keeping on.

Thank the Lord for good food and awesome company. I'm ever so thankful.

Quick update.

2008-12-11T11:33:00.001-08:00

FINALS WEEK!
I honestly think that fall semester is always going to be way more stressful than spring semester. Take last year for example -- straight B's. And then spring semester rolled around -- straight A's. And now, I have my very first C. I suck.

There's 2 hours before I have to take my Marine Bio final. I'm borderline at the moment, so I am DESPERATE to get an A on the final to secure my A -- the grade I so rightly deserve. :)

ALL these finals and I've YET to study for the one that really matters. Precalc. My sad C. The final is tomorrow at 7am and I'm freaking out. The professor told me not to give up because I actually have a shot at an A, I just need to score a perfect grade on the final. Pretty impossible. Plus, I have NO time to study today because of my Bio final and aljdsflajdfjalf;

Lord, please help me manage my time and not to get side-tracked. Keep me focused on the task at hand and keep me motivated to do my best.

PS. iTunes shuffle is being good to me :) It's been playing the BEST songs for the past hour, hour and a half and that's rare. Good job, iTunes. Yay for simple pleasures in life.

Hello.

2008-11-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

Salut. Ciào. Konnichi wa. Hola. ellohay?

Now that salutations are out of the way, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Marianne & I currently reside in the ever-so-smoggy county of Los Angeles. I'm nearing my twenties yet very much still a kid at heart. Ex-band geek, ex-drumline captain. It's an understatement when I say I miss being a part of anything music-related, hence my sudden interest in the world of acoustic guitar. I am: relatively sheltered, studious, clumsy, easily amused and inspired by all the creativity I'm blessed to witness on a daily basis.

Daughter. Sister. Friend. Observer. Blogger.

I'm unsure as to this blog's longevity, but in the meantime, enjoy the words splattered within. It's really all I have to offer.